Do you know why May matters?

Happy new month brethren!
What is not to love about May? The scorching heat is gone, and hopefully the disastrous rains will have eased by the time you are reading this. It is also the month of appreciation for our mothers, so mothers of the world, rejoice! 

Where I live, May, June, July and part of August are the coldest months of the year, with each month being progressively colder than the last. One of the best things about May is that the focus of clothing moves away from being fashionable to being warm. For those of us who have always had a complicated relationship with ‘fashion’, May makes things simple. 

Pick a turtleneck, a light top to go over it and a trouser. Slip into your shoes and your outfit is done (sweater is optional)! We do not have to waste time thinking about how to match our dresses to our shoes and handbags, because unless you do not love yourself, why expose your thighs to the cold? While others are wishing for the return of the sun so that they can show off some skin, we are very happy keeping our skin covered up in our furry layers, thank you very much! 

But beware, May is also a dangerous month. You see, the colder it gets, the hungrier we get, the more we eat and the more we spend time just lying on our sofas wrapped in blankets, nibbling on comforting snacks, and then in bed trying to keep warm. 
What I am saying is  you could begin May as a normal person and wake up in mid-August as a junior sumo wrestler. The worst thing is that you will never know, because you were all wrapped up in your warm layers. 

It is only when the sun comes out and you start trying on your summer dresses that two possibilities will present themselves: either you are four months pregnant or you have gained weight. And depending on who you were spending the coldest parts of the month with, possibility one is actually very likely.
My advice is simply this: stay warm and stay celibate!