Letter From Kireka: We support the miniskirts ban

A story is told of a principal accountant in a key ministry. One day, busy at his desk, looking at ledgers and ensuring liabilities tallied with losses, a pretty lady, adorned in something akin to a large belt or a micro mini-skirt, sauntered in.

“Hi, how goes it?” the lady greeted.
“Uhmmm, ahhhh,” went the principal accountant, his eyes transfixed to where instead of cloth, was yellow show of flesh also known as thighs.
“Could I please borrow your marker?”
“Uhmmm, ahhh,” was the only whimper emanating from the principal accountant’s mouth.
The lady left but having left a deeply disturbing impression on the principal accountant. For the rest of the hours that day, the accountant was immobilised. His mind froze. He could not get his figures right and ended up mixing things.

When these figures that failed to balance got to the Auditor General, he concluded that there was theft and immediately Parliament, CID and donors swung into action. Probes were ordered while donors threatened to cut aid! It all came from a miniskirt.
Yes, the public may not know it but miniskirts are a leading cause of corruption in this country. Fr. Simon Lokodo must be helped in his fight to restore not just sanity but accountability.

In fact a study conducted in Kireka discovered that many corrupt men are pushed into the vice after looking at a mini-skirt.
One respondent admitted: “I had no intention to steal that money meant for immuniSation. But one day, while at my desk, this lady with a terribly short miniskirt walked in. She asked if she could have a few millions. I swear looking at that miniskirt, I could not help it. I signed off the money.”

So, when Fr. Lokodo points at miniskirts as the leading cause of our moral degeneration, it is no laughing matter. It is a national emergency that must be attended to like yesterday. In fact, the good old ethics minister needs to be advised to change the entire naming of that Bill. Anti-Pornographic makes it too detailed. We lose focus when we discuss generalities and yet we know where all this comes from- the miniskirt. It should be properly titled: Miniskirts Terrorism Bill.

In fact, another study conducted in Kireka and its environs discovered that the poor state of roads, the malfunctioning health system and even the renewed load-shedding all has its roots in the miniskirts. It was noted that miniskirt wearers had distracted road engineers, thrown medical workers off balance and even blinded Umeme engineers from doing their work. In one case, a road engineer had this to say: “We were trying hard to fix that crater on 5th Street in Industrial Area when from nowhere a lady in a miniskirt appeared. The guys mixing the tar mixed up the rations. It is no wonder weeks later, the crater came up, bigger than even its original width and depth.”
Another argument against miniskirts has cropped up from the agricultural sector. Many farmers link the dwindling production of cotton to the miniskirt. They say previously women wore full clothes which meant more cotton used. However, since clothes began getting smaller and smaller, the demand for cotton also dwindled.

Here is one farmer’s cry: “Imagine a woman now wears a third of what they wore previously. Where a dress would go as low as the ankle, it now ends just past the waistline. The rest of her body is exposed. The demand for cotton to make cloth has plummeted. We need to get our economy back on its feet. Women should wear longer stuff and help our farmers.”

In the bar the other day, someone wondered if Fr. Lokodo was alive to some realities in his backyard. It was Rusaniya, our waitress: “I am told that where Fr. Lokodo comes from, his people, the Karimojong, for a long time saw no problem in walking naked or barely dressed. How can someone who has grown up seeing people nude now take exception to half-dressed people?”

Alfredo, our chair, responded: “That is where the problem lies. For a long time, we said we shall not wait for Karamoja to develop. Now, we are doing what people in the less developed world are doing. Lokodo is right, miniskirts are a sign of limited civilization. He probably is also jealous. We are copying a lot from his people without giving them due credit. It is a copyright battle.”

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