I also join ‘investors’ dining at State House

Local investors struggle to access the presidency. 

What you need to know:

  • All one has to do is come and talk about Science. Soon someone will come and acquire land for setting up space science in Luweero or some industrial park.

For the past few months, I’ve been holed up in this ‘upside cowntry’ working doubly hard to make ends meet. Yes, it’s ‘upside cowntry’ and not outside country as you might be thinking. And, of course, I won’t name the upside cowntry lest they cancel my visa.

While here, I happened to see a man tell my people how he had come to Uganda to work to end plastic pollution in the Ocean and the closest I’ve known Uganda to having an Ocean was in a journalist called Vique-Ocean Kahinju. She now runs a media network and I’m sure she has seen a couple of films of Terrence Howard.

Following up on Akon’s ‘Akon City’ promise that we are still waiting for because of delays to get the cryptocurrency, Akoin, running, Terrence Howard impressed on our Science-mad spotted one with his geometry of hydrogen.

He said: “I defined the grand unified equation they have been looking for and put it into geometry. Now, we have invented a new form of flight that I like to bring here to Uganda to replace drones and planes.”

Even if we put all the Science teachers getting Shs4m together for a year to find out what this Hollywood guy meant, they will not break it down. At least Kanye West just promised to make “Uganda a Jurassic Park”. 

But the spotted one must have understood, after all, this is his Science.

He said: “I am happy about the initiative and I will give you land if you need it. People in the ministry should take you around and see where the project can best fit. We are ready to work with you.”

Men, land! It’s always coming down to land and I think I should have acquired a few hundred acres by now too. I already know exactly where to start from. And this is where the true story is.

Somewhere out there is a man who has given himself the title of “ambassador.” About two decades ago, Muniini Mulera, the columnist, wrote about this man’s fraud out there.

Yet the man still managed to reinvent himself and emerge bigger and cleverer.

Right now, Science is the thing. After bringing a gym instructor and a photographer disguised as investors, the man and his partners brought an American woman and coached her to praise the spotted animal for his socio-economic deliverables. But now they don’t need to coach anyone to praise our dear leader.

All one has to do is come and talk about Science. Soon someone will come and acquire land for setting up space science in Luweero or some industrial park. But before this, I’ve decided to hit the contacts of the shady “ambassador.” 

I really don’t want so much land and my Science is very simple: end famine in Karamoja. End poverty in Karamoja. Stop Karimojong from running to the streets to beg.

Whenever there is a hiccup in this country, the UPDF are always the first enrolment to deal with them. From locusts to water hyacinth and even fighting teenage pregnancies, the UPDF have been deployed. But the only time they are ever deployed in Karamoja is disarmament and cattle rustling things.

But at the most trying moment for the Karimojong, the UPDF are silent. Maybe they are still too busy constructing roads in the Congo jungles that will facilitate the delivery of food and rumba to Karamoja but I won’t wait. At least I hear the PM is also doing something.
I’m going to return and meet the spotted one. I’ve already developed concepts for drones that can deliver rain to arid lands like Karamoja. All I need is some chunk of land to set up a plant for the drones to be developed.

And all I’m saying here is that whether you are coming from California or Kanombe, what matters now is some Science. If you can convince them that you know why the sun never rises from the south, you will dine with the kings.