Makerere University needs to create College of Suspensions

The College of Suspensions would relieve a great deal of burden on the shoulders of the indefatigable vice chancellor. PHOTO/ILLUSTRATION

What you need to know:

  • Let’s get the College of Suspensions up and running to ease the main activity at Makerere so that the administrators can focus on the other smaller things without straining their brain.

Makerere University really needs this. A College of Suspensions is long overdue. Midweek, the administrators revealed that they were designing a course unit on mindset that every student admitted to the university will be compelled to take.

This is commendable and it would be great if they were also taking the same course unit because they might need it more than the students. A leader who seeks to rule for life but even blocks others from contesting against him needs real mindset change.

But I know we cannot get there without first setting up the College of Suspensions to teach this programme. Word from the Hill is that the number of suspended students can help the Opposition defeat NRM in a by-election. It’s that big.

The other day the boss suspended some students on mere allegations. Imagine the university supposedly churning out the best lawyers in the country is suspending students for merely suspecting them of doing this or that and nobody over there sees anything wrong with that.

What this means is that they are all conniving to set up the College of Suspensions. This is a good thing. All suspended students can be enrolled in that College and are taught mindset stuff and how not to think about eating bananas.

The College of Suspensions would relieve a great deal of burden on the shoulders of the indefatigable vice chancellor. The good top administrator is supposed to be spending more time thinking of how to make the university churn out more research and innovation but because the lumpen at the Hill do not listen, they have turned his job into a suspension issuance docket.

Now the vice chancellor looks like a man with an automated photocopier in his breast pocket to cough out suspension letters as soon as a student is suspected of taking too long in the showers. All the VC has to do is ask his secretary what happened and the suspension letter drafts itself and pops out to be signed and delivered.

And now with the College of Suspensions, Makerere envisages graduating hundreds of intellectuals who will be swift with handling suspensions. There will be course units like “The Art of Sniffing Misconduct” and “How to pin a Lumumba student with plotting strike.” A Master of Science in Writing a Convincing Suspension Letter would further raise the profile of the College, while a PhD in Bananas is always right would send the point home.

I think all right thinking members of the society should agree with me that on the basis of this great idea alone, the current vice chancellor deserves to rule for life. Any doubts should be suspended. 
In fact, he should issue a permanent suspension of vision for Makerere so that no one else should have ideas related to leadership up there.

Let’s get the College of Suspensions up and running to ease the main activity at Makerere so that the administrators can focus on the other smaller things without straining their brain.

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