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Satire: SFC to take over boda service in city
What you need to know:
- And the more we have them on our roads, the more chances of taxpayers gaining by saving on the huge convoy that the other man uses. The feeling of security will be high, even the mobile toilet might be parked permanently.
I normally tell the truth by accident but I swear upon the gods of ffene this one didn’t slip in comical stupor. The days of crimes committed by bodas, the days of avoidable accidents, and the days of insults hurled at girls for just being girls are coming to an end.
After ending illegal fishing on Ugandan lakes and laying carpets on potholes, the guns boda boda exhaust pipes will now be replaced with gun muzzles. Ah, I mean, the men in uniform and guns have decided to sanitise the city further.
We all know bodas are the worst cretin since cretin itself. They spew all sorts of verbal garbage on the road, especially when they see a pretty thing sashaying about leisurely.
The other day this boda fella left a lady so depressed that she did not realise her wigs had come off even as she held it in her own hand.
The lady, adorning Andre Onana jersey, kept swearing and muttering under her breathe that she was going to buy a gun and drive around the city shooting anyone who rode past her on a boda.
From the ire, I wouldn’t doubt her. I also wouldn’t be surprised if her hubby works with that revered ‘Something For Cowntry’, otherwise also known as SFC.
Yes, these Something for Cowntry guys are so good that the other day they showed signs of taking over Google after many idlers in this republic kept searching for Idi Amin. Our Google expert Tim Kalyegira said most of the searches were, “Did Amin own the national cattle ranch?”
Of course, this was an insult. A time pothole in the city is being dunged up to carpet level, why would anyone calling themselves citizen be asking such things?
Google had to plead with SFC not to dung its activity with a drastic takeover. Yes, if I’m not dreaming this up, then believe you me, I heard is somewhere that Google has agreed to sponsor an academic paper on the role of SFC in the transformation of Uganda.
And, according to deep throats, SFC have secured Shs2b to roll in the first consignment of bodas. But first, they will need to use part of that money for someone to tour the city and ascertain how the bodas will traverse the city.
But don’t worry.
You see, these are not your typical piki-piki that coughs dirty fumes and makes every rider behave like they were conceived in a sinking boat.
Already, that place called Shakwanzi or something, it has our SFC boys taking serious lessons on customer care, how not to offend motorists and the art of avoiding accidents.
With SFC in charge, we are killing six… no, 10 or more birds with one stone. Where riders used to look forward to engaging in criminal activities, the SFC ones will now increase vigilance.
And the more we have them on our roads, the more chances of taxpayers gaining by saving on the huge convoy that the other man uses. The feeling of security will be high, even the mobile toilet might be parked permanently.
Meanwhile, the pipe dreamers who have been designing and designing buses and cars without ever making public headways beyond demos and events things are roped into this.
Word is that after the tour of boda stages, SFC will invest part of the Shs2b it has secured for boda sanity into designing self-riding bikes.
The bonus point is that if this succeeds, the next one will not be SFC taking over taxi business but rather your jobs. I mean, they will go to work in your place. You only wake up and massage your loins, eat and sleep again.
At the end of the month, your salary hits the account. We are heading to a world Gen Kale called heaven a few years ago. Yes, he declared Uganda will be heaven and the national newspaper covered.
In heaven, Adam just ate apple, he didn’t work. Me, I can’t wait. Long live Something For Cowntry!
