Satire: Spice Diana now blames snake in Gen Saleh church for bad vocals

Janworry can make you see things. The other day I had to run outside to be sure that the pita pita rattling outside was actually rain. I thought I was hearing and seeing things because the astrologers in Entebbe swore that the month would be as dry weather-wise as it is in the wallets.
Then when I came back, I found a clip of a huge serpent slithering in the kibanda-like roofing of what looked both like a church and a shrine at the same time. Then the camera kept flashing to a figure that looked like that of a Five-Star General.
Now, if you played this age-old riddle with tasteless jokes, you would be in for boredom. Why did the chicken cross the road? Goes the riddle.
 
Gen Saleh
He vehemently denied it was a snake. 
“You guys are seeing things on camera,” he said. “What happened is that at some point the room was too hot and I needed to refresh.”
By refresh, he meant to smoke. You know the man was once at the centre of news for running impatient with lengthy sermons in Nakasero church and pulling out his cigarette to recharge his system right there.
But haters like Spire now claim that the snake we saw is the courier who delivers Gen Saleh’s letters to Erias Lukwago. Apparently, the Lord Mayor was born with a deathly phobia for snakes and he is always so shocked when the snake delivers the letters that he can’t speak for days.
“You know Post Office died long ago, it is now used for laundry,” said Spire. “If you’re good at your game, you can make a snake your courier at no fee.”
I’m going to believe this. Why? Spire was served with a letter, too.
 
Spice Diana
Ha! Where do we even start from here? We were seeing a chicken cross the road to go to a concert in Lugogo. Curious, we crossed too, only to find a dressed chicken with its entire breast – I mean the real chicken breast not what you are imagining after actually seeing it – on full display like a modern neon sign.
Now don’t get me wrong; we all love chicken breast. But Spice Diana wasn’t amused when I asked her why the chicken crossed the road.
She said you all failed to focus on her singing and ended up blaming her for failing to sing. 
“’The chicken crossed the road to look for Spice Diana’s voice’, is that what you want me to say?” Spice Diana asked.
“No, the chicken was looking for Spices for its chicken breast so that its music is more edible,” I said.
She blocked me on social media.
 
Bashir Kazibwe
There had been rumours that there is a serving legislator called Bashir Kazibwe. You see, it’s easier to believe that pigs fly than to be convinced with something like that.
So the chicken crossed the road to find out the truth. We followed the chicken and voila!
“I’m badly looking for that chicken myself. When you see it, alert me and I’ll pay for the tip,” the OK MP said.
Kazibwe said the chicken had crossed to his Twitter, taken over its activity, and proceeded to lay on it and make weird sounds.
 
NSSF and Amongi
“Was it only one chicken?” was Betty Amongi’s cryptic question when I asked why the chicken had crossed the road.
 
King’s College Budo 
These ones were very straightforward. The chicken, Budo administration told me, crossed the road to deny that it had authored a statement confirming that sticky wicket was a major pastime in the King’s College.

Disclaimer: This is a parody column