Why Lugoloobi was dropped from MK’s birthday expedition to Kigali

Until Saturday morning, minister Lugoloobi was among the people to accompany the General to Kigali for a birthday fete, highly placed sources have told this column.
Information started filtering into the expedition camp at the 11th hour showing that if included on the trip, Lugoloobi would discover more than is necessary.
A decision was made to drop Lugoloobi from the trip. And for the better because as Mao was grinning like a bunny that had just found itself in a lush field of carrots upon arrival at Kigali International Airport, Lugoloobi was busy confessing his Eureka moments.
“There were fears that if Lugoloobi had travelled with the birthday party, he would have claimed so many discoveries in Kigali that would embarrass the nation,” a source who travelled with the MK politico-partygoers intimated to us for this made-up story.
Among the things the team feared included that Lugoloobi would have claimed that God wanted to take him to Kigali so that he could see the cleanliness and return to plan the same for Kampala.

“I think God planned that as Minister for Planning, I had to be in Kigali and subsequently see the bodas all riding with helmets and single passengers so that I can work towards realising the same for Kampala,” Lugoloobi would have been spewing.
You see, Lugoloobi, despite being named Amos, has a loose tongue that would have ended up ridiculing the son of Amos who is his boss.
When he was caught with 300 iron sheets, he quickly apologised and blamed the evil mabati for planting themselves on his goats’ shed.
In Kigali, he would have seen PK and his ministers and wondered aloud how it is possible for politicians to not grow financial worms in their bellies.
Lugoloobi, would have said: “Now that I am aware of the size of Rwandan politicians, I realise our ministers are deplorably potty, some too rotund for their own good and, as a Minister for Planning, I am going to engage responsible officials to ensure that the stomachs are improved.”

Usually fellows who travel to Kigali for business engagements melt their pots in the night clubs. When KBC was still the place, it was where everything went down.
But now guys turn up the rev on the hilly Nyamirambo where Le Makoumba Club, BCR and Hunters make revellers see and feel things. Imagine Mwenda taking Lugoloobi to Nyamirambo in the night and the minister seeing those Nyarus, next he will be in Kampala waxing about how the government should devise a plastic surgery curriculum for all levels of education.
I mean, our women are already beautiful enough but from the tipsy Nyamirambo, Lugoloobi would see things and dream more than is necessary.
There were doubts as to whether the minister would go this far but after seeing his temerity, one cannot rule it out. Just last week Sevo was spitting fire over the iron sheets. He vowed to take political action against the culprits after police have done their rounds with them.

But Lugoloobi apparently only sees blessings from his arrest. He probably sees himself as a full Cabinet minister with the mandate to ensure that every detention facility has AC, Wi-Fi, and a prim and proper toilet.
As it stands, there were no mabati found on his goat shed. It is just haters who saw solar panels in his farm and started screaming, which naturally scared the good minister into accepting God’s message that he goes to Kira Road Police cell and later Luzira to return with a Eureka moment and impact changes on Ugandans.
Lugoloobi should take the entire Cabinet to Luzira on a tour for two weeks during which they can feign ignorance of the mess the same way we saw Nsereko and other MPs tour Kampala and were like, “OMG, these potholes!” – as if all along they lived in Dubai.

Disclaimer: This is a parody column