A man like Simon Tucker, British diplomat in Kampala

On Thursday, July 6 at 10.52am, I received a short email from Mr Simon Tucker. It was about the end of his tour of duty in Kampala. I replied at 11.01am. But Simon had already left; the auto-reply directed me to engage the new guy.

 Mr Tucker was the political affairs officer at the British High Commission in Kampala for six years. This is a long time (in this kind of business). He must have made friends all over the country; plus the misfortune of meeting me.

 When Simon’s email came in, I was in Mityana on my way to eastern DR Congo. I have recently grown the habit of visiting this part of the DR Congo regularly. The reader though may be advised not to read too much into my visits to DR Congo. In the first place, part of the DR Congo is my cradle land. I am a second-generation Ugandan. My grandfather came to what was later to be named Uganda between 1892 and 1900. And oh boy, how I wish my grandfather kept onside in what was later to be DR Cong… Lol!

This is how I met Mr Tucker. His colleague in the UK Foreign Service was coming to Kampala. And Mr Tucker wanted me to meet his colleague. The trouble is Mr Tucker may have been misled to believe that I was knowledgeable about some things in the Great Lakes region. But the meeting happened.

 “So, would you be available for a meeting with my colleague?”

 “No”, I responded curtly and added: “Unless I am the one to decide on the location of the meeting. We met in Kawempe; don’t mind the spectacle of CD 01 plated range rovers in a small hotel in Kawempe.

 Mr Tucker was very knowledgeable about Uganda and the Great Lakes region. He was already familiar with almost all the nuances (political jokes) I shared with him.

I spent the evening of Sunday, November 28 2021 at Mr Tucker’s residence in suburban Kampala. The invite was for a barbecue; but I have been around long enough to know that even when eating, diplomats do business.

 At the residence, I was surprised to find diplomats from almost all European countries. We were only four locals; including Mr Philip Idro, the former director general of the Internal Security Organisation (ISO).

There was this particular diplomat. We got talking (away from the bustle of the partying). One topic led to another until we reached the issue of Uganda-Rwanda relations. ‘What do you think President Museveni should do to allay Mr [Paul] Kagame’s concerns,’ he asked.

 I responded: “Which concerns? Don’t you think Mr Museveni too has concerns that Mr Kagame should address?. My wild guess was that Mr Tucker may have ‘erroneously guided’ the diplomat (a deputy ambassador) to believe that I was knowledgeable about issues in the region.

 After a lengthy chat on Uganda-Rwanda relations, we concurred: Mr. Museveni had to make an act of appeasement towards Kigali. Mr Diplomat said: “Clearly, Mr Museveni is the more flexible of the two, and any action to assure Kigali would be good for the Uganda-Rwanda relationship.”

Because I talk-talk about cows, Mr Tucker may have mistaken me for a real cow owner; even when I told him I owned one cow and a half cows in Kibuara (in Kasese District).

 So, when his father-in-law, a retired veterinary professional was in Kampala, Simon called me to the house to talk cows with his father-in-law.

 Mr Tucker, go back to the UK and ‘Save The King’; and Honni Soit Qui Mal Y Pense (shame unto he who thinks ill of it).

Mr Bisiika is the executive editor of the East African Flagpost. [email protected]