On the land of Land Rover, Queen and birthday party

In 1990s, Land Rover Discovery was the sensation in Kampala’s vehicular possessions. I knew only two MPs with Land Rover Discovery: Ms Winnie Byanyima and the late Aggrey Awori.

Mr Graeme Loten was the British Ambassador to Rwanda when I was running (or ruining) things in Kigali. When I called his country, the Land of the Land Rover, he said: “In addition to the Land Rover, Great Britain is the land of many other very British things. It is the land of the Queen, the land of the Spice Girls”.

Loten was replaced by ambassador Susan Hogwood (RIP); the lady who had the misfortune to think she could save me from deportation from Rwanda.

The invite to Loten’s farewell party had a line going like this: ‘come share a moment with the British ambassador as he empties his cellar of very British wines, liquors and beers.’

So, when Kate Airey OBE, the British High Commissioner to Uganda, invited me to the official birthday and platinum Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II, I was excited. I knew how the British can throw everything into a party when they choose. The do was at her residence in Nakasero.

The party was a grand spectacle of British cultural projection! The event organisation and management was superb.

The lighting and general décor was from the ether-sphere. And then there was the haute couture sense of High Commissioner Kate and Deputy High Commissioner Louise.

When I showed photos of Kate Airey OBE to a nine-year-old girl, she remarked: “Oh my God, she is dressed like a bride.” Hmm! That too is ‘very’ British, Mr Loten would have said.

After her speech, I made three guesses to a friend: I bet all my royal inheritance that Kate Airey will join politics after retirement from Foreign Service.

 She must have been a member of the debating club in her high school.She must have done some social and economic activism before joining the Foreign Service.

Talking of fashion, Prime Minister Robina Nbbanja was at her best. She looked resplendent in her gown. Only that she didn’t make some jokes (as I had expected). I would have liked it if she had said Kate’s country has a funny name: United Kingdom of Britain and Northern Ireland (what a name?).

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I was ushered in by Mr Duncan Low (Kate’s husband) and Louise (Kate’s deputy). I introduced myself as the witch of Kiburara. “And did you say you are the deputy ambassadress?” I asked Louise. She replied: “No, Deputy high commissioneress.” Kati awo netuggwa duro (a draw for Ugandan humour versus British humour).

The attendance was good. There were MPs, religious leaders, officers of the UPDF’s general staff, senior police officers, among others. Crispin Kaheru, commissioner of the Human Rights Commission was there too. And then there was Counsel Eron Kiiza, Kakwenza Rukirabashaija’s lawyer. Former ISO boss Philip Idro was there too.

And then Joy Baagala, MP for Mityana District. I drew her attention when mimicking the British accent. I said: “May it please the honourable to meet the famous witch of Kiburara?

Her: “Naye Asuman toggwayo (Asuman, you are funny).”

I don’t remember who requested for a photo opportunity. Counsel Kizza took the photo and then made a funny remark: “I didn’t know Asuman could look so handsome”. I responded: “I guess Joy’s radiant smile has made me handsome.”

If it were up to me, I would decree that the Queen has a birthday every week.

Mr Bisiika is the executive editor of the East African Flagpost. [email protected]