How often does your child visit neighbours’ homes?

Beatrice Kobusingye, an accountant at Fenix International and a mother of two, says holiday time means trouble in her home. She says during this period, her neighbour’s children make her home their other home.
“Every morning, children arrive as early as 7am in my living room. I cannot chase them because that makes my children cry all day. However much their stay is not so pleasant, I tolerate them because I have no option,” Kobusingye says.
She adds that these children stay for as long as they wish, which requires her to provide them with all meals (breakfast, lunch and supper) which she is expensive.

Destructive
She also notes that the children are not only expensive to cater for but destructive as well. “They often play in the chairs with dirty feet, break my nice water glasses and spoil my flower gardens. They are such a big mess,” she adds.

Ill behaviour
Some of those other children have ill manners and they sometimes carry away the children’s toys.
“My little girl had more than four teddy bears but lately I only see one. Interestingly, my neighbour’s children who never had any now have a number of them, some which look like those of my little girl. When I ask, they claim that it is their property,” she explains.

Wasted hours
Just like Kobusingye, Flavia Namirembe, a house wife in Seeta, says her neighbour’s children are a nightmare in her home.
“They always come over to watch cartoons with my children, they watch TV for most of the day, however much you discourage them from doing so, they insist. Their stay makes me uncomfortable,” Namirembe says.
To Namirembe, the blame goes to the parents who give the children the opportunity to visit the neighbours for long hours.

“Times have changed and communal parenting is long gone. Leaving your children to loiter in the pretext of neighbours taking care of them is a thing of the past. Parents should learn to keep their children at home especially during holidays. How sure are you that your child is not an inconvenience to the neighbour?” she wonders.

Parents’ take on communal parenting
Margaret Tumusiime, a children’s counsellor, says many parents would like to adapt a more trusting style, but find it hard. The voices of fear are loud and nonstop, and the fears are never completely unfounded. “Terrible accidents happen; adult predators do exist; felonious peers can have harmful influences; children and adolescents (like people of all ages) do make mistakes; and failure can hurt. We are also, by nature, conservative. It is hard to swim against the current and risk the negative judgments of our parenting peers,” she says.

Communal parenting is good but a thing of the past and she encourages modern parents to accept the new trends that the world brings as it revolves. “Though it was okay for a neighbour to take care of other neighbour’s children in the past, it is inconveniencing to do it today for long hours. People work on strict budgets and if you left your children at a neighbour’s place, you would be eating into her budget,” she says.

Question of morality
Tumusiime also observes that these days the society has lost morals unlike in the past where a parent could be assured that their children are in safe hands.
“How sure are you that the neighbour you have entrusted your child with has good morals? Your children may end up being at risk of learning bad behaviour,” she says.
Kobusingye says it should be every parent’s responsibility to mind the safety of their children.

“Today, most people mind their own business. Do not expect another parent to keep a close eye on your child when they have a number of businesses to pay attention to. Unlike in the past where a child’s upbringing was a communal concern, to day you need to keenly monitor your child’s safety,” she says.
She also notes that there are several kidnap cases whereby a child can be kidnapped while the parent thinks that the child is at the neighbour’s.
“As you stay in your comfort zone thinking that your child is playing at the neighbour’s, you might be unlucky to realise later that your child is missing, don’t take risks,” she advises.

The ups of visits
According to Barbra Kanyunyuzi, a teacher and a parent, though many parents look at children visits as troublesome, it has a number of advantages. She says children visits help the children to learn how to play with their peers and also teaches them to tolerate each other.
She adds that visits are important because they teach the young ones how to share.
“I know many parents will undermine the small contributions that come along with children visits, but it is very important for your child to learn small things like sharing and tolerance, these help them to learn how to interact in future,” she says.

Kanyunyuzi also notes that neighbour’s children will help to create a good relationship between the parents. “A good relationship with neighbours is vital, you never know when you will need their help,” she says.
Kanyunyuzi advises parents who always get numerous visits from neighbor’s children to be tolerant.
“ Children are innocent souls. Don’t be too judgmental, you never know, yours might also be doing the same somewhere else,” she says.