I recommend anger classes for Muntu, he isn’t angry enough to be inspiring
In a city that craves scandal as much as a tick desires a cow, there was a sudden windfall in the kind of news that doesn’t come with a side of torture and a whiff of teargas.
Maj Gen Mugisha Muntu unveiled a bride, and to no one’s surprise it was his face under the veil. If you didn’t see this coming, you must be a patient with severe cerebral dysfunction.
Notwithstanding the anti-climax, there he was, the man who dared to turn his back on FDC. Party president Patrick Amuriat did a respectable job of managing his bewilderment, surrounded of course by the usual angry mouths, trotted out to make measured statements about party intrigue and treacherous traitors who will be weeded out.
For his part, the fresh-faced Gen Muntu met the hoards with the cheerful aplomb of a novice. It was immediately obvious that he is a ‘nice’ guy; the kind you tell your secrets and expect him to keep them.
At his packed-to-the-rafters press conference, there was effusive talk of building bridges, maintaining bridges and of course, ensuring that no bridges are burnt. That would be terrible. Because he is all about, you know, building bridges.
Clearly, the man is incapable of malice and would not stab Caesar in the back even if the aforementioned Caesar begged him to. He spoke warmly of his cutthroat colleagues who have always sidelined him, nostalgically of his years as a servant (literally) of the FDC, and made loving references to Dr Kizza Besigye, Mr Patrick Amuriat, and every other snake in his well-mowed grass.
He was a little coy about the kind of construction projects he envisages with co-architect Bobi Wine, but one must understand how difficult it is for newly weds to reveal the details of consummation. For those, we must twiddle our thumbs a little longer.
In the meantime, I recommend anger classes for the irritatingly affable Mr Muntu. The kind of politics that we are practicing these days require the ability to get apoplectic as often as possible, preferably in public.
Mr Muntu does a decent sneer, especially when pressed on why he left the mother party, but he is never angry enough to be inspiring. I would suggest he practices growling in front of a mirror.
The people have spoken, and they want leaders who boast of an anarchist streak and require protection from their enemies. They want leaders who punch the air and froth at the mouth when they speak. They want leaders who make them scream with anguish and howl with pain; they want to attend political rallies that are part mass orgy, part outdoor musical festival.
They want to be relevant in a way that motivates the police to show off their anti-riot gear. Anger connects people to their chosen Messiah.
A little fire and fury would lend some much-needed authenticity to Mr Muntu and improve his chances of lasting longer in the public conscience than a beauty queen. Anymore talk about getting along nicely with everybody and even Ms Winnie Kiiza will be forgiven for turning her back on him.
There is no need to ingratiate yourself with everybody, unless you suffer from low self-esteem; all that talk about empowering the grassroots should be left to agricultural extension workers, not renegade politicians with the most media attention in three countries. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Ms Barenzi is a communications professional and writer
[email protected]
