Dear Heart to Heart, my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend but he is not aware that I got to know about it. I want him to apologise for his behaviour yet I am afraid if I confront him he might get angry and leave me. He claims to love me and I love him deeply too. Will I lose him if I ask him to apologise for cheating on me? Racheal
Prossy Kemigisha. Our men are weak; they cannot control themselves when they are seduced. The only gift we can give them is to pray for them, love them and forgive them. Confronting him would have been okay because everyone deserves respect but if you see that it is going to separate you, be strong and keep quiet in prayer. If you are to win a man, keep quiet when you know he is in a mistake, just love him and pray but do not allow yourself to be a slave of love. Sometimes that kind of love ends badly. Love God more than your man, he will change and if he does not, talk to him. If he does not listen, be a wife and run the home; little by little he will change because of your good deeds.
Allano Hooks. Since you love him so much to let go, please keep quiet. You only lied to yourself when you said he loves you too. However, pray for him that God may establish a change in his character. Men who cheat just do not have God in their hearts.
Mukisa Mukisa. You are desperate young woman! He is not the first and last. What he did was so disrespectful. It means he will sleep with whoever you bring around (even your sisters). Re-visit your love for him because it seems you love him so much than he does. Otherwise you are going to be heartbroken because he may not stop his behaviour even if you confront him! Move on and do productive things.
Julie Litah. There are faithful men out there. Do not be fooled by those who say “we men are like that”. Talk to him, if he leaves you then that is his loss. You deserve more than a cheater. You are more valuable than that and before you know it, someone you deserve will come your way.
Cyrus Suge. It seems you are the most beneficiary from the relationship. How dare you say that you fear to confront him because he may leave you; that is hopeless! Stand your ground and tell him. If he throws you out of his life then you move on its not the end of the world, life goes on.
Gavah Kato. Wake up sister, God forbid but do you know when he will die? Losing him should not stop you from shaming the devil in him. A sin is a sin only strengthened when you fear to let it out. If you are to lose him, please accept than fooling yourself.
Fred Daniels. You only lose something that you do not want to lose. You are putting yourself in prison. Confront him and let him know that what he did was not right. That is only the right thing to do.
Phoebe Miriam. One thing I can never attempt in life is to beg for love or stay in a sinking ship! By the way, the more desperate you show you are for a man, the more he will use you and disrespect you! If your boyfriend cannot keep his zip up, just walk away and give chance to someone else.
Àùpàl Émmâñùèl Çàzôrlà. Just confront him and hear what he says. If he accepts he is guilty and promises never to cheat again, forgive him. If he tries to deny or become arrogant, just pack your belongings and look elsewhere. This will show that he was not destined to be your man.
Israel Siriri. If you keep quiet, you will lose weight and he will think you do not care. Do you think he is not aware that he did wrong? And do you think your friend does not know she did wrong? Next will be pregnancy and a child. You think he still loves you, try to talk to him about it and see the reaction. You will know whether he still loves you. People change position. He could be finding out who of you is better for him and if it is her then you will be dumped in a painful way.
Emmanueil B Turinawe. Oh sorry. Your best friend and your boyfriend both do not fit the description you give them. Look for a new best friend. And if you do not confront him now, when will you? Divorce and losing a boyfriend what do you prefer? The power is in your hands now.
Michael Bwalatum. Tell him the truth and if he indeed loves you, he will understand his mistake and definitely apologise to you but if he does not love you he will use that as an excuse to dump you besides you should not fear losing a crook.
Jonathan Okiru, counsellor at Family Life network
Tell him you found out
Dear Racheal, an apology comes from a person who has understood their mistake and is willing to change for the better. It is a state of the heart where one is regretful for what they have done. Unless you just want him to say the word sorry which is very easy to say yet the person will continue making the same mistake.
If your boyfriend cheated and he is not aware that you found out, there should be a way to let him know. Being apologetic is not a onetime thing. It is a process and if you want your boyfriend to apologise, you need to communicate the matter.
However, when you are communicating, make sure he is in a happy mood so you need to prepare well enough. Tell him with proof and not because you found out from someone else. The tone of voice you use matters and ensure that you do not step on his ego. Be bold enough to tell him you were hurt but not in a way that will make him feel devalued. His response will depend on how you present the issue.
Generally, mistakes happen in relationships but how you handle them matters. The person should at some point be remorseful for what they have done and be ready to stop the habit.
Compiled by Beatrice