When do you walk away from a relationship?

Saturday June 27 2020

The lockdown has given men an opportunity to

The lockdown has given men an opportunity to spend quality time with their children. 

By Pauline Bangirana

Prima Nakyeyune, a businesswoman, says her husband suddenly became too busy for her and the children. At first she thought her husband had lots of assignments at work but days turned into weeks and before she knew it, the husband had spent two months without checking on the family.
“I became suspicious and true to my intuition, my husband had left for another woman. I discovered that my husband was engaging in an extramarital affair and no amount of text messages, calls and explanation would change him. Just like that. He was gone,” Nakyeyune recalls.

When people fall in love, the thought of quitting a relationship is one that many never think about. In fact, when a woman falls in love, they keep hoping that it will be for keeps and eventually lead to marriage.
Too often, one partner wants out, while the other is still attached. No matter what the circumstances or causes, unrequited love for the person left behind is a painful and deeply distressing experience.
Before a relationship or marriage ends, there are red flags that many people often do not pay attention to. In fact, it is said that by the time someone throws in a towel, they stopped loving their partner about a year or two ago.
But when does one know it is the right time to move on and rebuild themselves away from toxic partners.

Ali Male, a counselling psychologist with A-Z Professional Counselling and Support Centre says there are always pointers to a failing relationship. Male says suspicion on either side is one of the reasons a relationship may end. “Mistrust causes jealousy, anger, possessiveness and other negative feelings which poison already tenuous relationship,” he says.
Male also adds that when a couple realises that they both have different values, it could be a warning sign all is not right in paradise and it might be time to end the relationship.

“Every relationship has a process of compromise, negotiation and assimilation of your partner’s values. But sometimes, values are too distinct and different to ever reconcile. This usually causes a rift as one struggles against what they want and what they have to put up with. If this is a serious problem in your relationship, it’s best for both parties to end the relationship and move on,” Male advises.
When you no longer make plans with him in mind, if you can’t see a future with him, losing interests in things that once made you happy, arguing over the flimsiest of issues, refraining from arguments because you simply don’t care, irritating habits and failure to confide in your partner are some of the signs that a relationship is headed for doom.

Male says the most important point of being in a relationship is the idea of creating a future and sharing ideas about the kind of life you would like to share share with your partner. “If you cannot imagine a future with this person, why are you remaining in that relationship? Keeping in this situation is emotionally draining,” he says.
That isn’t to say casual relationships are stupid or pointless, “they can be fun and an enjoyable experience but if you’re in a full-on, long-term relationship with someone, the idea of spending the rest of your life with this person has to be a contributing factor. If you’re not seeing or wanting to envision a future with this person, then it’s time to end the relationship and move on.”

You can’t get excited about the idea of marrying this person. Getting married is a bit of an extreme circumstance, perhaps, “If the idea of any form of strong, serious commitment with a person can induce feelings of panic and fear, and might be a strong indicator and sign it’s time to end the relationship,” Male notes.
Once you realize that he or she has become a stranger, Male notes that this is the final indicator because upon realization that the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with is a stranger to you, then the relationship is headed for a separation.

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However, information from www.betterhelp.com shows that there are multiple stages of love that your relationship is going to move through. You weren’t going to hold onto that feeling of pure joy and excitement that you experienced in the beginning forever. When you first fall in love with someone, you overlook imperfections and things about them that would normally drive you crazy. But in the euphoria of a new relationship you don’t even notice them. However, as time goes on those things start to stand out to you. You start to think, “How did I not notice this before?”

You also don’t need to walk away from love because you’re starting to disagree more and have different opinions. Relationships are made up of two unique individuals and it’s not normal for a couple to agree on everything. If that happens it’s usually because one person is giving in to the other. Disagreement can be a good thing if you know how to work past them in a healthy way in your relationship.
No relationship is going to make it through years and years of never having arguments and disagreements. It’s perfectly normal for relationships to have ups and downs.
But, those with healthy relationships and true love will be able to weather through those difficult times.

However, there are times in a marriage when you should reconsider giving your spouse a second chance. Of course, the choice is still yours, but giving a second chance when red flags are present may mean that true reconciliation is unlikely. Think twice about giving a second chance when these factors are present.

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