Of secret lives and second wives

Sunday August 25 2019

 

By Stella Riunga

If you are the type of hard-headed African male who prides himself on being ‘the only lion in the house’ and has implemented a reign of terror in your household in which no one dares to question you about anything, please carry on reading. This article is meant for you.

My bet is that your unquestioned authority at home allows you to get away with anything and everything, now that there are two sets of rules: one for the unfortunates in your household and another just for you. You have so far gotten away with spending the money meant for yourself, your wife and your children on questionable activities, including the seduction, accommodation and upkeep of another/multiple other females. Out of these activities, a child or children have been born.

I know that you are one of the leading church elders at your place of worship. Your reputation is whiter than white, your character unblemished. For this and many other reasons, your other family/families are known only to you.

You intend to keep this secret to your grave. I have news for you. You are going to die. Not today, not tomorrow, but a lot sooner than you think.
I don’t have the specific details but it is going to be painful, because you are not ready. Let me tell you what will happen during your burial: your other ‘wives’ and children are going to attend and rumours will start flying. Your third ‘wife’, that quarrelsome one, is going to make life unpleasant indeed for your ‘official’ family.

Listen to me: call a meeting now, while you are still alive. Gather your wives and children and introduce them to each other. It might come as a shock to your first family, but again, it might not. They are a lot shrewder than you think.
Get the unpleasantness over with while you are healthy and well. Write them all into your will, in their presence and that of a trusted lawyer. Do it this weekend, this month, because I promise you, you are going to die.
Yours,
The spirit of Christmas- to- come.

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