If you are not ready for her, don’t propose

Sunday September 25 2016

If you are not ready for marriage, don’t

If you are not ready for marriage, don’t propose to her. Photo by Christine Nakalungi 

By Christine Nakalungi

Before you pop the question, “Will you marry me?” make sure you have set your mind to it and you mean every word. You proposed amidst her friends and she said yes, she went around flashing that diamond ring in everyone’s face, we envied and congratulated her but the ring is even fading and Mr. I’m- ready-to-marry has not even visited her home.
Was the proposal a stunt or you just wanted to show off? We keep asking ourselves. I understand maybe you wanted to elevate your four- year- old-dating to another level, lure her into moving in with you or rather a move to keep chase away other guys. Or maybe your relationship was boring and you needed something to bring back the excitement.

Waiting in vain
Poor girl has checked out all gowns, got contacts for service providers, watched TV wedding programmes for ideas but you have not said a word about the wedding. She keeps smiling but her hope is waning and she is confused about the actual purpose of the engagement. Was it out of love or pressure?

She has wore that ring, day and night. A few months down, she is tired of it that she even forgets it in the bathroom these days but you cannot read between the lines.

Moses proposed to Flavia two years ago, she was the happiest girl alive but after nine months, her young sister got married and now her other sister is also getting married. She is tired of moving around with the ring which actually means nothing in the courts of law, tradition and even church. She considers herself yours but she can’t claim your name.

fiancée forever
It feels nice to wear that ring but ‘fiancée’ is not a permanent title, proposing to a girl without actual plans of marrying her is like baking a cake in your oven, the sweet aroma fills your beautiful home, everyone’s appetite is raised. Your dotcom children update their WhatsApp status from ‘boring weekend’ to “my mom is the best chef ever” or “my mom is better than yours”.
As they sit waiting with their plates and forks, you bring out a burnt cake from the oven. What a disappointment! The frustration is not because of the burnt cake but because of the false hope raised. This bad news will break everyone’s heart and the next time they smell the aroma; they will not come out of their bedrooms.

My thoughts
If you do not have money, it is advisable that you do not make a purchase order. Why give the poor girl false hope? If you cannot afford her, then leave her for those who can.
Since no one forces you to propose; I think it would be better if you buy that ring, keep it and only bring it out when it is due and if you are scared she might leave you for someone else, get your priorities straight; put everything on hold and marry her. Stop confusing her with a diamond ring; she deserves better.


my two cents...
“Cook a nice meal so you can sit at the dinner table and have a face-to-face discussion. You could start with, “I was over the moon when you proposed, and I’m so excited for our wedding-to-be, but I feel like we are not on the same page. When do you see us getting married?” If his response is “like, six years”, I think you ask him, “Do you really want a six-year engagement? Tell him when you hope for the wedding and ask why he thinks you should wait. From there you will know what he is up to and find a way forward.” says Alicia Kayesu, a counsellor.