Tips to help your aggressive child

John Mawanda’s nine-year-old son beats up his young siblings whenever he is annoyed. He slaps them or uses anything around him to beat them up. The father beats up the boy as he intervenes to discourage the vice.

However, the beatings have not changed a thing about the young man’s character. Recently Mawanda was called from work when his son stoned one of their neighbour’s children. He had to clear the medical bills.

“I have talked and punished him but he does not change. He never used to behave like this. I think he learnt from peers at school,” Mawanda says.

The boy’s behaviour sometimes causes the parents to fault each other for the child’s behaviour. The question is, how can parents help an aggressive child?

Likely triggers
Shallon Ainembabazi, a counselling psychologist, at Uganda Counsellors Association (UCA), says aggression may be an indicator of many diverse essential problems. Belligerence is caused by several factors including insufficient parental care, discrimination, family conflict, giving hard tasks to a child, mood disorders; frustration, injuries, conduct disorder and psychosis.

“On disorders for instance, children who are bipolar, when excited, often become hostile. They lose self-discipline and become thoughtless. On the other hand, when they become unhappy, even though aggression is less shared, they can become irritable and sometimes that petulance and bad-temper causes children to hit out,” Ainembabazi says. The mood fluctuations play a role in how a child reacts.

“Also, giving insufficient food may trigger aggression. The child is always worried about any visitor and sometimes sees siblings as a reason why he is not getting enough food,” she explains.

Ali Male, a lecturer of guidance and counselling at Young Women Christian Association (YWCA), says aggression is an impact of child abuse and a call for psychological help. Aggression can result from emotions that have not been attended to.
Psychosis too may manifest with aggression. For instance, children with schizophrenia often respond to internal inducements that can become upsetting. Such children become distrustful or suspicious and they strike because of their fear.

Children who have problems with thought or communication may also become aggressive. Children with such conditions become aggressive and habitually do so because they have trouble dealing with their anxiety or prevention because they cannot articulate their feelings.

“Sometimes children become aggressive because of what they see and learn from their parents. If the parents fight often, the children are also likely to copy the same behaviour,” Male says.

Ainembabazi observes organic reasons for aggressive upsurges, when a child has anterior lobe damage or certain types of epilepsy. In these cases there may be no clear reason for the aggressive incident, and the episode could have a hot-headed component.

Outbursts, exposure and care
There are times when aggression in children or teenagers is provoked by stressors on site, and do not represent a causal emotional illness. It is critical to understand that this is rare, and when aggression happens on a more frequent basis, it could represent a brewing emotional problem.

“Exposure to internet and violent films should not be ruled out. Here children tend to practice what they watch in films and the next thing is a heated argument and “ninja” moves at any opportune time,” says Ainembabazi.

She points out mistreatment by parents or caretakers as a possible trigger of aggressiveness. Such treatment makes children lose hope and feel as if the world hates them. Fighting or getting rough with anyone and everyone is a way they vent they emotions.

Remedies
To address the aggressive behaviour of children, Male and Ainembabazi say parents need to understand their nature. For instance, an introvert child may be aggressive as he or she cannot freely express his or her feelings.

“Understanding the children is the starting point of addressing their aggressiveness. Develop the child’s ability to talk by befriending them and talking to them very often,” Ainembabazi says.

Sparing enough time for your child could help since aggression can be caused by parental gaps. Besides, this would increase your bonding and the child may be in position to tell what he goes through in the hands of the maid, caretaker or at school.

“Talking to a child in a simple, polite and non-judgmental manner could help a child change. Do not use jargons. Explain why the child needs to avoid violent behaviour,” she says.
Providing enough food for the children, having some time to play with your children as well asavoiding fights and use of distasteful language can be useful in addressing child mood swings.

Seeking behaviour specialists in case the aggressiveness persists is also advised. However, they warn that behaviour change is a gradual process thus parents need to be very patient.