Enough with threats, it’s time Unatu dined with crocodiles
What you need to know:
Rendition. Empty tins make a lot of noise which will very often make you laugh. Visit this page every Sunday to encounter Empty Tin and his warped ideas.
The annual teachers’ union industrial action threat didn’t disappoint. There were fears earlier that the star of the film could miss out after the meeting invite was sent in his absence.
At first, the astrologers who work with Empty Tin predicted that the film star would teleconference with the rest, but one of the guys in the shrine insisted that the Leo and technology are no bed fellows.
“Remember, he came from the bush and proudly retains every element of the bush so he either misses out or he will call for a second meeting when he returns,” the fellow chirped.
The other two nodded.
But as the meeting was going on, the star jetted in and made straight for the venue. Just to ensure he was seen and noticed to a fault, he took the union members on a tour of the industrial park to see how imported toothpicks are rebranded, to see huge warehouses for imported toilet paper in wetlands, and to see…
The annual routine is now a bore. The country deserves better entertainment the next time Unatu threatens to lay down their chalk. Empty Tin proposes this simple act to end this charade once and for all.
First, the government will contract a UPDF General. Yes, there is that one who doesn’t give a damn when dealing with a fly. He shoots it. He shoots at car tyres and burns tractors. If he is too busy in his farm to be contracted, then we can enlist the services of the ambassador who taught a traffic policewoman some lesson in respecting Bush War heroes.
Or the two can work together on this noble project.
The project is simple. They open a pond for crocodiles and fatten them for 11 months, just in time for Unatu leadership to come with begging bowls that they don’t even share with the real teachers. After the threats are made, the usual meeting invite is sent.
Only that this time Leo and his kyana will delegate the two generals to feel some activity since one is bored in his farm and the other is in a boring country that recently tried to shift its geography to SADC but failed.
By the pondside, the Unatu officials will find the two generals reclining in deck chairs and poking into bonfire with sticks to keep it glowing. They will be invited to take their places.
General 1: Now guys, we want to sort this strike threat thing today. Explain why you hold government at ransom every year.
Unatu Official 1: Er, we were supposed to meet Mama and HE.
General 2: Shut up! If you still have brains left you should have realised by now what’s going on here.
General 1: Talk.
General 2: [Addressing his aide in Kiswahili]. Fanya haraka. Kuweka ndani mbuzi moja.
The aide lifts a goat and tosses it into the pond. Huge crocodiles feast on it in a matter of seconds, crunching the bones like it is some scene in Cynthia Rothrock’s No Retreat No Surrender movie.
General 1: If you are real, strike. Don’t give us threats. I rather deal with a biting mosquito than the annoying one that comes singing in my ears. I have shot a couple of mosquitoes with this gun here (points at his pistol).
General 2: The crocodiles are still hungry. But let’s first understand whether the threat continues or is called off. There is enough time to feed these reptiles.
Unatu Official 2: Who said we wanted to strike? No teacher will strike. The government is already paying more than teachers deserve.
Unatu Official 3: The economy is doing great. Jennifer Musisi is indeed to blame for the dirt in Kampala. We were coming to tell you that we were actually incited by Kizza Besigye and Bobi Wine.
Unatu Official 4: Some teachers rear goats, we can convince them to be donating like 100 a day for these crocs. Or if the crocs want balanced diet of cows, goats, pigs, chicken and turkeys, we will have it all ready, complete with onions, tomatoes and masala…
