Let’s give a damn about watermelon, pumpkins
There are a million things I say that are empty tins. But rumba music and Lucky Dube will never be empty. The other day this guy got so rich that he used milk to bathe and expensive French wines to wash his boxers and then a gun to herd his cows.
Maybe he could not use cheap things like sticks. He needed a more serious and more expensive item to hold. I saw all these and said to self, “Wow, one day I will be even better. I will use RDX bombs for fireworks on New Year’s Day, use Boeing gears for condoms and use watermelon and pumpkins to bribe God.”
The man I consider as the greatest musician to ever live on this planet once recorded a song titled Guns and Roses. I was listening to this song and imagined it called Guns and Melons or Guns and Pumpkins to fit the other debauchery whose specifics I cannot go into.
I also imagined the title was Melons and Pumpkins to fit well with the other pair – interestingly, both sides had a man and a woman.
“I don’t know why I keep believing, that one day they’ll bring us together. When they’ve shown, in more ways than one, that all they care about is the dollar,” sung Lucky Dube.
See why some people say the South African reggae legend was a prophet? Forget these ones who sound like projects, the ones whose only prophecies are announced after the event to claim the lime. This guy called Uganda his second home. He probably had his heart here and was always tapping into our politics.
How else would he have been so lyrically apt on what would happen in Opposition politics more than 10 years after he signed out of his earthly duties?
Guns and Rose, it continues: “You belong to the one political party, I belong to the one musical party. Our differences are worlds apart, just like guns and roses.”
Hear that? He only didn’t mention watermelons and pumpkins. As for the musical and other political party, should we even go into its detail?
Now I have a deep urge to report some people to God because I am the kind who gives a damn. I hate competition.
While I can tolerate a lot of nuisance, competition is the one thing I insist on being a sole candidate of. And do you know what? I don’t even have a CEC although it is true that most times I do a retreat with myself like during a siesta.
Yes, I give a damn. Anyone who tries to rival me at being an empty tin is committing treason. I can’t just stand there like I am stifling a fetid fart when guys are trying to usurp my dominion by hurling fruits and one another in a market melee.
To take control of the situation, I have decided to petition God. I will report these people. If God is too much of a dilemma to access physically, I will offer Him watermelon and pumpkin. For good measure, I will add a cucumber. And to ensure that He doesn’t take me for granted, I will go with an assault rifle slung over my shoulders.
There are chaps around who have met God. They have spoken to God. He has apparently instructed them on many things such as who should win elections. That is why I am confident that I will meet God and report these people.
Giving a damn about watermelons and pumpkins is something I must do because Lucky Dube said we must never let a few years on the microphone destroy the lifetime of Empty Tin. He warned that, “if we don’t take control of the situation, we’ll stay forever in this ya commotion.”
