Nsaba Buturo explains ‘presidential material’

There is this man whose name sounds like someone asking for a seat. Back when this man held the Ethics and Integrity docket, his name was James Nsaba Buturo. Many years later, his name is still James Nsaba Buturo and he appears to still be looking for a seat.

Not long ago, this man Buturo claimed to have more prophetic powers that Mbonye. In his prophecy, he saw 4,000 White men and women descending on Jinja Town in a caravan to do what is so unAfrican. The prophecy held that these men and women would use a major music and cultural festive to do sex-sex and more sex-sex with members of the same sex-sex.

Nyege Nyege took place with no major sex-sex incident reported. Then the country forgot about Buturo and thought the man had found himself a seat. Wapi! He was in Parliament tossing around like Gen Katumba had unleashed that cross that left Zaake swearing he had crossed Iron Mike Tyson’s path in his previous life.
And why was Buturo tossing if he has a seat at Parliament? Because his boss Rebecca Kadaga has proved her leadership mettle by speaking against sex-sex at a global event.

Seizing the moment, Empty Tin poked Buturo on the cagey succession issue, asking that having worked with the self-confessed Leopard, did he feel it was about time someone fingered it real good?
“Eh eh, eh! I was a whole Ethics minister but was replaced,” he said rather acerbically. “Of course, at first I thought they would scrap the ministry. How could anyone else run it effectively? But you see, the sun still rose from the east and set in the west. I realised that only the king’s fall ends the game of chess.”

Diving back into his prophetic hallucination, Buturo said that since many decent options available in the country had failed to cause impact, there will be a very small man “probably one ridiculed a lot” who will do it. Now, Empty Tin quickly reminded Buturo that the only person currently attempting to ridicule Bobi Wine is Slyvia Owori. “She is taking in a lot of flak for that, you know?”

“I didn’t mean Bobi Wine,” he shot back. “There is this fella who weighs no more than half a mosquito wing, what is his name again?”
“Odonga Otto.”
“No.”
“Nelly Kapo.”
“Now what is that, a person?”
“Oh, Jose Chameleone!”
“Ah! Think, man. You’re supposed to be a youth. I’m talking about this thing whose goal in life is flaunting bundles of cash on social media…”
“Bryan White?”
“Pronto. Pronto. That one. Where all good fails, something that falls between good and evil ends up taking the day. People like Amama Mbabazi and Kizza Besigye have failed just like Joseph Kony and Lakwena.”

Nsaba Buturo noticed the puzzled look in our face and knew exactly why we were aghast. What is there in Bryan White for anyone to suggest he could be president? He said Bryan White doesn’t attract attention.
“There was this vixen something, Bad-something… I think Black. Bad Black. She had 15 minutes of fame during which she didn’t go around showing off wads of cash like a preteen showing a new knicker bought from the flea market on a Sunday, yet this Bad Black earned more column inches in newspapers than Bryan White.”

There were still puzzled faces. And Buturo continued with his reverie: “Have I used too many words to paint a picture of the hopelessness of our society that this Bryan White represents?” he asked almost to himself.
Then, laughing out loud, he added: “I would join Kony in Garamba if such a thing happened. Anyway, in African context, to be a presidential material simply means rejecting this sex-sex abomination. Just that.”

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