After our first meeting, has he lost interest in me?

About a year ago, I met a man online and we started charting. He works out of the country but after about six months, we decided to meet physically. We got along so well and the time we spent together was so blissful. However, it was short-lived since he had to return to his workplace. We kept in touch but soon, it started to seem like I was forcing the conversations. If I did not text, he also wouldn’t. I eventually became tired of being the only one to reach out so I kept quiet for like a week. When he called, I told him how I felt but he said I was overreacting. However, the situation has not changed. I do not know what happened after our meeting. I really miss him but do not want to seem overbearing. Help me figure this out. Anna? 

Dear Anna,

It feels good to fall in love and usually when it is just starting, it feels as though it will last forever. This feeling is usually sustained by the feel-good hormones that are released. However, these do not last for long. An online relationship leaves no space for noticing the changes, usually giving an impression that the person is perfect.

Meeting a partner for the first time after chatting online for some time can be delightful, especially since you have both longed to meet each other physically. Your boyfriend’s behaviour suggests that although he agreed to meet you in person, he had not made a decision in his mind about the relationship, but was acting upon the rush of his hormones. At least you have done your part by reaching out, although he has not reciprocated appropriately according to what you wrote.

It is important to allow yourself time to process and reflect on the experience. Focus on self-care and reaching out to friends and family for support. Channel your attention and energy into something different, especially if you can support someone in a state of need. You can also enroll in a gym since exercising has been proven to help one feel happier and healthy. This will meanwhile give you time off the relationship and allow your boyfriend to think about his actions.

Remember, you are not in control of how he decides to behave. If he is remorseful and asks for your forgiveness and you are able to notice change, it is upon you to decide whether to reconcile or not.
What makes a relationship strong is usually the work put in by both partners in the beginning. This also involves the time spent trying to learn one another. 

It can also involve the ups and downs that you go through while relating with each other. The time spent building the relationship is crucial as through this, people tend to treasure each other. However, some online relationships may work if the formal ideas of dating are followed as noted above.
Try not to ruminate over this, but instead take lessons that you have learnt from the relationship.

Evelyn Khorono Lufafa is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation

Reader advice

Does he love you?
Patrick Pat Pato Ossendros. You should stop stalking him even if you liked him. You had fun and maybe that was all he needed. Even if you love him, does he feel the same way for you? Relax and move on. If a man wants you, nothing will stop him and if he does not, nothing will keep him around.

He does not deserve you
Olekanye Tsihdi.  Accept that indeed he has changed. Stop pestering him. If he is yours, he will come around. You do not deserve to go through all this pain of wondering whether someone, who might have moved on already, still loves you. 

He is not your man
Elizabeth Erwin Rivendell. He is not the only man this world can offer. Stop getting worked up over someone who clearly does not care about you. What you had was called fun, he could even be married. If a man is interested in you, he takes it upon himself to be the best he can to you. He is not into you. 

Look for a kind man
Jingo Dauglas Williams. You should give him space if you love him so that he can figure out whether he loves you too. Look for someone who can fix your heart. In this life, you should always stay away from people who do not care about your feelings. 

It was not meant to be
Modicum Okello.  What is not meant to be yours will never be. You do notneed to keep pestering him to see the end result. It is the bitter truth but fight hard and move on.

He could have a reason
Daniel Dut A. Sometimes, people who work outside the country have less time to make calls because they are too busy and partly because of different time zone. It is also quite expensive sometimes. Just give him time, the man might not have changed.
He is not your future
Alaisa Kansime. Just quit, why should you be stressed? If you have a job, make it your first priority. If you do not, find something else, such as a hobby, to keep you busy. Losing that man is not the end of your destiny.

Secure your finances
Peterson Okafo Chine Cool. You should think about more importantthings such as securing your future financially. Keep in mind that we live in a society where everything can change in a very short time. You do not want to be caught broke and hopeless just because of a man.
He got what he wanted
Fredrick Richie. He got the fun like you have said and perhaps that is what he wanted. You are precious than gold and your right man will come at the right time. 

Love is not one-sided
Atuhurire Racheal. 
It is obvious something went wrong so do not force the relationship because you deserve better. Love is about giving and receiving and should never be  one-sided.