What you need to know:
- Most people have a past; the only difference is how this has affected them or damaged them. Some people’s past might be lighter and may have no or less impact on their behaviour or emotions.
I am 24 years old and I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for more than two years. I lost my virginity to her. Although she was my first and only sexual partner, I am her ninth. She was involved in two different relationships before she was 20 and from our conversations, I am starting to think she just enjoys dating a new man every so often and is incapable of settling down with one. However, she tells me she has changed and that is all in her past. This is the woman I want to marry but I fear that this will eventually cause fights between us. I am not sure I want to end the relationship though. Is her past reason enough for a breakup? Joshua
Although this seems confusing, it is common and happens to many people in relationships. Sometimes you have the answer but only want to be sure if your decision is right.
Most people have a past; the only difference is how this has affected them or damaged them. Some people’s past might be lighter and may have no or less impact on their behaviour or emotions.
Deciding to marry someone is a big step, the reason why you should really take time to think about what you want out of the relationship.
It looks like your girlfriend decided to open up about her past to you unsuspiciously. It is possible that she thought it was okay to let you know. Remember, you have all the power to decide if you still want to continue with the relationship or not. This is a major decision and you should take your time before making it.
As human beings, we are relational and it is best to choose to stay in a long-term relationship with someone you are comfortable with from the start. It is also not fair to use someone’s past against them, especially since you have already spent two years with her as she is.
However, if your decision is to end the relationship, then you should do it now before making it permanent since it is better to end a relationship than a marriage.
One’s past is not reason enough to breakup with your girlfriend, especially since she is the one who came clean and told you about it. What you should do is take time discussing what this past means to your future relationship with your girlfriend. This involves you letting her know your fears and how you think they can be dispelled. This will initiate a deeper conversation of vulnerability where one might share why they ended up that way.
Taking time to make the right decision is crucial to avoid future regrets. You can also visit a relationship counsellor to go through some of these worries and help you make an informed decision.
Do you overthink a lot? If, yes stop it right away and Do not let yourself be consumed by all those negative feelings associated with your partner’s past, as this will only end up ruining your present and future together. Try not to let things affect your relationship and enjoy each other’s company as much as possible instead! This is a perfect getaway on how to forget your partner’s sexual past.
Evelyn Khorono Lufafa is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation