My husband feels insecure when I talk to any man

My husband of four years does not trust me. He feels insecure when I talk to his male friends. He even feels insecure when I talk to my male colleagues or even male cousins. I am always on my guard whenever I have to talk to any man around him and this is becoming very suffocating. What can I do to make him trust me? Julie

Dear Julie,

It looks like your you feel overwhelmed by your husband’s behavior of not trusting you. People’s behaviors are usually attached to a certain reason that is best known to them. 

It is true that this can raise your anxiety whenever you are around his friends but at the same time it is essential to understand his perspective. What might be causing him to feel this way? 
Is there something in past that has led him to believe you cannot be trusted? Or is he simply feeling insecure in the relationship due to his past experiences or conditioning?

Approach the situation by first assessing the core issues by getting authentic information from him. You can try to engage him in conversations about trust to explore what makes him so insecure. Let him know that you understand why he feels this way, and reassure him that you do not intend to cheat. Openly communicate with each other, and let him know that you’re committed to working through this issue together.

There are many possible reasons why he may be feeling this way. It could be that he has been hurt in the past by someone who was unfaithful or that he has low self-esteem and is afraid of being rejected. 

Whatever the reason, it is important to comprehend his point of view and to reassure him that he has nothing to worry about. This is an important issue to resolve so that the relationship doesn’t become toxic for both of you.

To allay his fears for now, be cautious when talking to other men when he is around or avoid situations where he feels threatened. However, this is not a sustainable option in the long run. You can also try to build his confidence through compliments and words of encouragement. Nurture your bond with him and focus on building trust. If you can work together to address his insecurity, it will help improve your relationship in ways more than one.

Trust is essential in any relationship. Without trust, couples often find themselves feeling insecure and resentful. Be intentional to spend more time together. Go out on dates, or just spend time at home relaxing with each other. This will help strengthen your relationship. Remember, building trust takes time and patience, but by working together, you can make progress toward a more trusting relationship.

By taking the time to cultivate trust, you can help create a stronger and more fulfilling relationship with your husband.
In case you and your husband apply most of the above and you still feel the same, consider going for therapy. Remember asking for help is a sign of strength and not a weakness. 

Evelyn C Kharono Lufafa, Sermotherapy Counseling Foundation 

Reader advice

Do not talk to men
Edward Mugisa
I am very sure he is insecure because of the way you associate with them. You might be this type of lady who says for me male friends are better. And most times they rarely associate with their fellow females. If you are not that type, then why do you have a talk with males? Just greet, say and move on.

Respect his choice
Tom Kibwika. He knows your weakness or has ever caught you flirting or in cheating and he cannot stand it anymore. Respect his choice and stop speaking to me.

Avoid other men
Elizabeth Karungi. It is difficult to keep a male friend for long without them demanding for some form of intimacy.  Avoid them and make your husband happy. There is no such a thing as male friend, they are just hanging around waiting for the right moment to ask you for sex.
Avoid male friends

Mubiru Nipra
He knows you more than you know yourself. The way he got you shows him who you are, though men do not tell the people they love but we know that anyone can sleep with you, if they get a chance to talk to you. Just forget about those male friends if you want your relationship.

Be open
Vin Ronald. Trust is earned. Just give him reasons to trust you. You just have to be an open book and that is all. It is an indicator that he wants to settle with a woman who has no strings attached. If you want to be trusted be honest.

Be positive
Jonah Kyazze Nkwangu. I believe he has got other positive attributes. Appreciate his nature and insecurities that can be put up with and learn how to live with his insecurity by doing what he wants. 

Talk to him
Da Li. As a man, I know how it feels. It might have come as a result of his past experiences. It is a feeling of attachment and he does not want to lose you. You should talk to him about it, give him the assurance that he is your only love. Then, there should also be a limit in the way and time you talk to his male friends because as men, we know our friends. 

He is cheating
Brendah Martha. Those are signs of a cheating man. He has a cheating mentality and so he thinks you are doing  the same.  Kindly sit down and talk to him with the assurance that he has only you.
  
Assure him
Phoebe Miriam. Your husband may just want assurance that you are his alone.  Get a very good moment and sit down with him and talk to him about how you feel. Remember to continually assure him of your love and commitment in your relationship.