Dear Annet,
This must be difficult for you. While Witchcraft is a belief system for many people, it is unlikely it is the cause of your brother’s financial problems. There could be more explanations attached to this. Here are some of the ways you can approach this matter:
Take your brother as an adult who is capable of managing his own affairs. It can be compelling to want to be involved in your brother’s life, especially if you are older than them and this could be out of genuine concern for his well-being.
Unfortunately, your intrusion might not be welcome, especially if you use forceful means. Remember that you are dealing with two adults who are capable of managing their relationship affairs.
Focus more on the positivity. Is there anything good you can recognise from your brother’s girlfriend? Many times, during such conflicts, we tend to concentrate on the negative and in most cases, what you choose to focus on will produce results.
Once you recognise the positive things, you will be more lenient and instead, brainstorm ideas with both your brother and sister-in-law.
Choose to be supportive instead of casting blame. Accusing his girlfriend of witchcraft might sour your relationship with him.
Focus more on your concern for him, say for instance, you can say, “Of late you seem to be going through a tough financial situation which is worrying us too”, is everything okay with the business? This allows your brother to explain what is going on in his life rather than directly attacking his girlfriend. Look out for alternative solutions. If you are worried about your brother’s finances, suggest a review of his budget and see if you can help him make changes.
Open communication can also be helpful. It is possible that there are deeper issues such as bad investments that are causing his businesses to fail. Ask if there is anything you can do to help, without being pushy.
Take time to find out what is happening, is there a dramatic change of behaviour? This could also be caused by depression due to the losses his businesses are suffering.
Remember, your brother may choose to listen to you or not, depending on what is going on in his life and how you approach the situation. Be ready to listen to and allow him to tell you his own side of the story.
Evelyn Kharono Lufafa is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation
Reader advice
Stop this blame game
Wanda Nganzi. There is always someone to blame for your own failures. Get a life. What you give out is what you get. She probably has nothing to do with your losses; you are just looking for a satisfying justification to make her seem evil. If you do not practice witchcraft, why would you think someone else does it?
Know what went wrong
Mlord Kaysm Cassy. Surely you cannot blame someone’s business failure on the success of the other’s. Investigate what went wrong with your brother’s businesses before jumping to conclusions based on rumours. Maybe his girlfriend is just a hardworking woman and being business savvy, she has managed to keep her businesses afloat. After all, you say she started dating your brother when she was already a successful business woman.
Make your own money
Rosie Prince. I think you all need to start working hard so that you are able to build your own businesses and become financially independent. Your brother is an adult who makes his own decisions and knows what makes him happy. He has chosen to love his girlfriend and if this is what makes him happy, you have no right to interfere. You are not children.
Pray for your brother
Ruthie Kay. Life is spiritual. Pray and ask God to reveal to you what is happening. Continue praying for your brother and if there is any evil doing, God will bring a turnaround.
Set him free
Bukenya Mac JB. If you have failed to help him, set him free. In a few years, he will regain his senses and put everything back in order. Mind you, your brother could be painting a picture that he has failed to force you to become independent.
There is no crime here
Faith Norah. There is probably no witchcraft involved. Your brother maybe giving her money willingly to expand her business since he is in love while forgetting himself and his businesses. Men give a lot when in love. There is no crime; this money is after all meant for him and his family. You are grownups who should also work and make your own money.
Evaluate yourselves
Stella Auma. Must people blame others for every situation? It is lazy to think that it is always someone else’s fault. Before you blame others, evaluate yourself and see what part you are playing in this whole situation. As grownups, why do you not work and live independently?
You do not deserve help
David Mukisa. I have never believed in witchcraft and after reading this, I know it does not exisist. So, because your brother is trying to clip your dependent wings he is possessed by witchcraft? He is trying to let you guys know that he has moved on and wants a family of his own. Let him be and move on with your own lives. Help comes to those who deserve it.
