Should I leave my current boyfriend and marry my ex?

What you need to know:

  • I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. Everything has been going on smoothly until recently when he started acting funny. My dilemma though is that one of my exes, a friend, has asked me to marry him. At first I thought he was joking but now I know this is what he wants. I am afraid of telling any of my family members because they adored him while we dated so their opinion might be biased. What should I do? Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Sometimes, dating can be daunting. It can work out perfectly for some people but for others, it can also be imperfect. The ideal would be to meet someone and hope that everything works out, leading to marriage. However, this is only a pleasant thought, especially since we have no control over how other people decide to treat us, including those close to our hearts.

It seems you have moved on after the disappointment you experienced with your boyfriend of three years. I hope you have taken time to really think and realise that the relationship was not working.

You also mention that your ex-boyfriend wants you back and is asking for your hand in marriage but are afraid of mentioning this to your family members since they adore him and might not be objective enough to help you decide.

Relationships need some work; they just cannot work without both partners putting in some effort. This involves taking time to meet and talk as much as you can. This is one way of learning as an individual. Doing some simple outdoor activities such as eating a meal together, hiking, or jogging all enables you to get comfortable and ask as many questions as you can so that you make an informed decision.

Trust is required for any relationship to be healthy and stable. Before making the decision to get back with your ex, you should really evaluate how the relationship ended and how your ex’s behaviour or reaction during that time made you feel. If they betrayed your trust during the relationship by crossing a boundary or even cheating on you, it is definitely necessary to ask yourself if you really trust them now.

Many people can attest to how difficult a breakup can be when your loved ones also love your ex. If they have a strong bond with your parents or have become thick as thieves with your besties, severing those ties can be almost as painful for all parties involved as the breakup was for you.

This is something you will need to look out for and choose to stand firm in your own autonomy.

Evelyn C Kharono Lufafa, Counseling Psychologist Sermo Therapy Consult 0750074412

Readers' advice

Pick who you love

Derick Natwaluma Agaba. A word to the wise is sufficient. Pick the one you love because at the end of the day, this is what is important.

He is your ex for a reason

Patience Natie Nampa.  There is a reason he is an ex. Keep it that way. Stick to your boyfriend and work out your issues. I am sure your ex might have come back only because he sees you are doing better without him. Stick to your man and do not look elsewhere. It is even better to cut off communication with him.

You are not truthful

Joanita Nangendo.  It is you who is acting funny not your current boyfriend. How do you explain a proposal from an ex; was it over the phone or in person? You just want reasons to justify your cheating ways.

 Do you love your man?

Aaron Yovani. First of all, why did you break up with him? Why is he coming back out of the blue and straight to “I want to marry you”? And you madam, do you even love your current boyfriend or you are just with him to fill a void?

 Make your mind up

Bernard Patrick Erebu. I think you are the one who is acting funny because you want to return to a failed relationship. You are actually not focused in the current relationship and are wasting the poor man’s time. Better make up your mind and stop playing games.

Why did you break up?

Carol Mukisa Cartnel. Go with your ex if he proves beyond reasonable doubt that he wants to marry you and based on what. However, why did you separate?  That is important to give attention to because history might repeat itself. And also what do you mean your current boyfriend is acting funny? Have you found out why he is acting that way? See, a long lasting marriage or relationship is not built on who is better than who but your resilience and art of approaching issues because basically no one is perfect.