Jealous love: How much is too much?

I read a verse in the Bible about God being love, which I totally agree with. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have, “given His only begotten son” just like the famous John 3:16 says. But also in Exodus 34:14 God commands: “you shall not worship any other God but me, for I am a jealous God”. That is exactly what happens when you love - jealous.
You know how you enter into a relationship, and you are just figuring out how things work or how they will work? At first it was disturbing. This particular guy, call him Moses, was quite a puzzle! I mean, when the flames of love are still young and bright, and people go out of their way to show it, it was quite a different story with Moses. He was, and I think he still is one of the easy-going guys I know. No questions about the late night outs with friends - even if I did it for an entire week - no questions even when you miss a thousand of his calls, not a hint of jealousy even when you flirt with other guys in his face, just to see his reaction. This was disturbing. I wasn’t sure whether he really loved me like he said and even showed. Notwithstanding, I stayed in this relationship, for quite some time, actually years.

Uncertainty
I have always known that love comes with a heavy package of feelings and emotions. The joy derived from being with that person, care and concern, protectiveness, love itself, and yes, jealousy. I have heard a few people say, and I am quite certain that you have heard or even seen people complaining and breaking up because their partners are overly jealous. Actually, we have seen extremities of jealousy where people even kill their partners and other people or even commit suicide. I am, however, not here to advocate such madness.

At the root of jealousy lies fear of loss, insecurity, mistrust and other feelings. The more these get a hold of you, the more uncontrollably jealous you will be. But if you get to work on those negative feelings, establish trust, and be prepared to move on in case you lose that person, you will be able to break the jealousy cycle, reclaim self-control and stop driving your partner and yourself crazy. We cannot deny though, the fact that jealousy is an emotion embedded in our human nature.
I have never admired, (and with my ‘Moses’ background) a guy who is always on my case, asking about my every move, about all my male friends and colleagues, (including those in my Watsapp group). A control freak who gets mad each time I talk with people of the opposite sex, even at a party! Who puts me under the microscope and goes through my phone without my knowledge, among others.

Not to tarry, and back to Moses, I gradually, started noticing that he was also human. He was also, once in a while and with time, often caught in the cobwebs of jealousy. Though he had a subtle way of showing and talking about it, it was a relief to know that I wasn’t trying to sail a boat on sand. At some point, I thought it was me with the problem, of wanting love to be accompanied with a little cream of jealousy, so I asked 10 different people the same question. Five of these people were random strangers and five of them friends. Five male, the other five female. Eight out of these concluded that jealousy is always inevitable in relationships. My friend Clarisse used these very words: “You cannot say you love someone when you don’t feel jealous. It is a part of nature that it only comes naturally.”

Holding tight
Whereas I know there should be a sense of trust and boundary in a relationship, it is also true that a little jealousy comes in handy. By the way, this is not only evidenced in love relationships, but in most relationships where people want to hold tight onto what they have.
We have seen cases of pastors fighting over their flock, fathers jealously protecting their daughters, a mother burning down her house with her kids inside because she suspects the husband is having an extramarital affair! Even God declares himself a jealous God. Can you imagine a lover who doesn’t show a drop of jealousy even when you flirt with people of the opposite sex? I mean, how will I know that you love and care about me when you don’t show even the tiniest glint of jealousy?

However, get my point straight, no one needs a person who is always going on sprints of jealousy, even when there is no need.
Too much of it is frustrating and undesirable. Jealousy can be equated to a weapon of mass destruction, that when used cautiously and in the right quantities, is able to keep the boat rocking. And if used senselessly can bring destruction to the city you are building.
We all have this emotion, but how you keep it in check is what matters. Even you, who is noble and easy-going, as long as you have a heart to love, be sure to fall prey to jealousy.

How to deal with a jealous partner

Talk to your partner. Tell them about your feelings without blaming them. Let them know what makes you feel worried and jealous. Prepare what you want to say, and talk to your partner in a non-threatening, neutral atmosphere.
Try to be objective. Just because you feel there is a threat, it doesn’t mean that it’s genuine. Try to view the situation objectively.

Accept some uncertainty. Uncertainty is a part of relationships. You can’t ultimately control someone’s feelings.
Seek professional help. A counsellor can help you to resolve your feelings of jealousy. They will help you look at the cause of your jealousy and deal with it on a day-to-day basis. Knowing the origin of the problem is not enough to resolve it. You need to look at the everyday triggers, why you continue to feel and act that way. A counsellor or therapist will help you.