Polygamy: social malaise or necessary evil?

Stella, a 26-year-old housewife, never really knew her father. Neither did she grow up with a father-figure in her life. The trials of a girl who grows up without the self-confidence that only a father can instill, are many.
“I always wanted a mature man. In fact, most of my male friends are at least 10 years older than me. It was only natural that I would get married to a man who I could look up to as a father and provider.”
However, this man, at 45, had a wife and a concubine. Both have children. The wife was wedded in church, and the concubine was seen but not officially known by his family.
Because of her insistence, youth, and beauty, Stella had the privilege of officially introducing the man to her family.
“I do not envy women in monogamous relationships because my husband gives me enough love,” Stella says. “We have two children and although he cannot be around every day, he provides for them. He built for us a storeyed house.”
Stella comes from a polygamous background. Her father had four wives and many concubines.
If you walk on the streets of Kampala, it is not hard to find people who are products or victims of polygamy, or both.

What the law says

A Muganda man never discusses the number of his children; is a saying that has gained notoriety. In a setting where it is the duty of a husband to produce many offspring for the clan, it is inevitable that he will produce these children with other women.
A wife who is willing to give birth to more than six children is becoming extinct.
“A few years ago, when the Marriage and Divorce Bill 2009 was still the Domestic Relations Bill, we had proposed a ban on polygamy,” says Jackie Asiimwe, a women’s rights activist.
“Of course we realise that customarily, people are allowed to be polygamous. But basing on Article 31 of the Constitution, what we are looking at are equal rights for women in the marriage. This is not to say that monogamous marriages do not face these challenges.”
Article 31 (1) of the Constitution states: Men and women of the age of eighteen years and above, have the right to marry and to found a family and are entitled to equal rights in marriage, during marriage, and at its dissolution.
Four years ago, The Mifumi Project, a women’s rights organisation, filed a case in the Constitutional Court against polygamy basing on the fact that women in polygamous marriages do not have equal rights as men. The case is yet to be heard by the Court.

The problem

Although Pastor Solomon Male, executive director, Arising for Christ Ministries (a non-governmental organisation), and a marriage counsellor, agrees that polygamy is a societal norm that is hard to break, he believes that the first step is to mentor young people.
“Pre-marital counselling, even for those who have not yet made up their mind to get married, will prepare them for a monogamous world. Unfortunately, today’s woman is mentored by society to expect a co-wife.”
In Ssenga sessions, before the wedding, a woman is told to expect her husband to have children with other women. She is cautioned to treat them well. In other words, right from the beginning, she should not expect that her husband will remain faithful to her.
“Church leaders have really done this country a disservice,” laments Male. “Why should the church allow a man to marry one wife but continue to have as many women as he likes? I have counselled victims of sexual abuse and when you look into their backgrounds, most of them come from polygamous families. There is nothing good about polygamy.”
In many societies, a successful marriage is considered a wife’s work. Any marital problem is blamed on her impatient, lack of respect, lavishness – the list is endless. If the man feels uncomfortable in his home, he is encouraged to seek comfort in the arms of another woman. It is assumed the woman will welcome him.
Male advises, “This is a wrong attitude, and that is why marital counselling should be a continuous thing. A man should be taught that if there is a breakdown in his marriage, he should work together with his wife to remedy the situation and make the relationship a good and enjoyable one.”

The victims

In years gone by, boys and girls were mentored for polygamy. A man was taught to be responsible for his children. Now the reality is different.
In a polygamous setting, there is favourite wife, and her children will be much loved by their father.
“My father does not pay my school fees,” says 13-year-old Salama Nakku, who is in Senior One. “My mother used to pay for my education but when I was in Primary Five, she got married to another man and sent me to my father’s home.”
Nakku’s father already had four children; one from his first wife, and three from his current wife. The first child, a boy, dropped out of school in Senior Two.
“My father has a job and we have twenty rentals. We also own trucks that ferry sand to building sites. But our stepmother told him not to educate us.”
Nakku’s brother, who welds metals for a living, pays her school fees and cloths her, although she lives in her father’s house.
Many are the cases where a woman struggles to educate and feed her children, while the man only proudly shows them off at clan meetings. The children’s lives are uncertain, especially when their mothers want to remarry.
“Men know that it is impossible to love all women equally,” says Lugolobi. “However, they should not show open favouritism. It is not good in the sight of Allah.”

The religious setting

Sheikh Muhammad Lugolobi, a Madrasa teacher, says although it is not a rule for a Muslim to have more than one wife, he is allowed to, if he can look after them.
“Polygamy should not be condemned because it is the will of Allah. A second wife removes the burden from the first wife. For instance, if she is healing from childbirth, instead of worrying that her man will bring an STD, she knows he is with an official wife.”
Lugolobi also argues since the failure of a marriage is blamed on the wife, “If there is more than one wife, none of them feels particularly burdened.”
However, Asiimwe argues that there are many Muslim countries where polygamy is banned.
“In countries like Tunisia, polygamy is illegal. By condemning it they never felt that they were going against the will of God.”

Is it fair to condemn polygamy?

During the first National Women’s Parliament, organised by the Uganda Women Parliamentarian Association (UWOPA), Huda Oleru Abson, the Yumbe District Woman Representative, wondered if it was fair to condemn polygamy and let some women suffer knowing that the number of women is higher than that of men.
“I think this is a pedestrian argument,” says Asiimwe. “Not all men marry and not all women get married. It is a selfish argument. It is only in this case that everyone remembers women are more than men. Why don’t they remember it when we are demanding for equal representation in government and Parliament?”
However, Lugolobi agrees with Abson. “For every woman to get married, a man has to marry at least 50 wives. That is why Islam allows a man to have a replacement if his wife dies or if he divorces her.”
In many Christian – born-again – circles, the faithful are cautioned against having carnal relationships with a married man.
“Every woman can get married,” says Male. “The problem is that most are badly behaved, scaring away potential suitors. Besides, in a culture of lavish weddings, young men are scared to commit to one woman.”

What should change?

The first step is to understand that polygamy is an evil in society. Women and children suffer physical and emotional abuse, which have far-reaching consequences in their lives.
On the other hand, a large number of children are a strain on a man’s finances and on the relationship he has with his children.
And because a man cannot physically monitor all his ‘wives’, polygamy is a source of sexually transmitted diseases.
“Polygamy is recognised in the law, in the form of customary and Islamic marriages,” says Asiimwe. “The issue is to educate people about its evils vis-à-vis the developments in society, as we wait for the Constitutional Court to determine the case filed by MIFUMI.”
“By discussing polygamy, our MPs are doing this country a disservice,” says Male. “Instead they should pass laws that make it possible for people to receive free marital counseling. That is the only way to counter polygamy.”
In a country where people view marriage as a one-way ticket to riches, it is yet to be seen whether a law against polygamy can change the status quo.

Practice elsewhere

In May this year, neighbours Kenya sent tremors far and wide as they rewrote their marriage law to legalise polygamy.
The new law (whose debating and ultimate signing by President Uhuru was all controversy) allows men to take more wives without consulting existing spouses.
And it brings Kenya’s civil marriage law (which previously recognised only monogamous marriage) into line with the country’s customary marriage law where some cultures have always allowed multiple partners.
Female MPs walked out of parliament in disgust after their male counterparts voted through the amendment, arguing that a decision to take on another wife would affect the whole family including the financial position of other spouses. It was also opposed by Christian leaders who urged the president not to sign it into law, saying it undermined Christian principles of marriage and family.
But the supporters of the law pointed out that it was simply recognizing a part of African culture that has long been a part of African society without causing any serious problems, while also stressing that it safeguards the interests and inheritance of a man’s other wives and their children.

Compiled by Joseph Ssemutoke

The number of males proejected in 2015 aged 18-30 years

2,997,300

Number of ugandan women as projected in the 2014 census aged 18-30
3,440,100
Source: National Population and Housing Census 2014

WOULD YOU TAKE ON ANOTHER SPOUSE?

“I don’t support polygamy because it is contrary to my religion. Marrying many wives adds nothing to a man’s prominence or wealth.”
Julius Tinkson, mechanic

“I don’t like the idea of a man having one wife because she might be barren yet the man wants children. I think men should be allowed to marry women according to their financial muscle.”
Ibrahim Keewaza, mechanic

“A man should have one wife because it reduces chances of getting diseases such as HIV. It also promotes development in the family as all the funds are spent on valuable matters.”
Elly Presbon, driver

“There should be a law prohibiting men from marrying more than one woman. This will reduce chaos in families.”
Susan Nassiwa, teacher

“Men who have married more than one wife are always entangled in wrangles. Polygamy is one of the reasons why HIV is rampant. I don’t support it.”
Pauline Nakku, administrator

“Polygamy is the reason why many children are on streets. I cannot support it at all.”
barbara tumwebaze,teacher

Compiled by Joseph Kato