Should I propose to my boyfriend of four years?
What you need to know:
- Four years is a long time to be with someone and by now, I am sure you have noticed so much about your boyfriend. You also know him well enough to know what he likes and does not like.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years now and our relationship is great. The problem is, while he seems comfortable with what we have now, I am not. I want to get married. I am, therefore, thinking of proposing to him before end of year since he is not doing it. I know it is not conventional but it is a risk I am willing to take. Am I crazy? Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You are not crazy. Women proposing to their male partners is nothing new, if still rare; recent surveys show that in straight married couples, only five percent of women proposed. But attitudes are changing, and pretty soon, women may claim equal access to the uniquely heart-fluttering, mouth-drying experience also known as popping the question.
Four years is a long time to be with someone and by now, I am sure you have noticed so much about your boyfriend. You also know him well enough to know what he likes and does not like.
Has his behaviour in the recent past given you any clues that he would want to get married? Is his love for you the same as when the relationship started or is just existing in the relationship?
Remember that this is a two way and just like a man realises they are ready to settle down and take a risk to propose to their girlfriend, you must also be ready for any answer; it could be a yes or a no.
It is important to prepare yourself emotionally for the outcome of the proposal. In case you feel ready to propose, then plan to do it in an open meeting place. There are also other ways such as bringing up a conversation about the goal of your relationship. This can give you a clue to whether your proposal will change anything.
Some men lack the skills or they too fear being turned down and are comfortable keeping the status quo. Whereas you might think he is comfortable, he could be struggling with how to propose. So, taking this bold, calculated step might actually make your marriage better.
However, do not propose because of insecurity or fear of loss. Both men and women fall into this age-old trap. It is not uncommon for someone to propose marriage because they suspect their partner is losing interest, cheating, or is on the verge of cheating. A marriage based upon circumstances rather than love is likely to fail. Getting married for the wrong reasons is just as bad as getting married to the wrong person.
