The way to her heart was through flowers

Jonathan Dexious Kikanga and Ruth Kokusiima first met at Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) Kampala Central Church in 2018. At the time, Jonathan had just graduated from university while Ruth was still pursuing her nursing course.

Although he did not feel an immediate attachment to her, he loved the warmth of her smile and her welcoming personality.

“We had the same circle of friends and so, we would often chat. Although we were not romantically engaged, I admired how she got involved in all the church activities. We even joined the youth choir and since she is confident and outgoing, I got to know a lot about her,” Kikanga says.

In 2020, after the first lockdown, the two realised that although they were both ready for marriage, they were both single. So, they decided to give a relationship a try.

Ruth, who had always loved flowers asked Jonathan to buy her some but when he did, she did not like them because they were not fresh. But she did not tell him how disappointed she was and instead decided to give him a second chance.

“Jonathan was gentle, honest and God-fearing. We had been friends and admired each other so we decided to give a relationship a try. However, after a few dates, I realised he was too reserved and could not tell me anything that bothered him. His communication skills were really bad,” Ruth says.

The transition from a friendship to a relationship did not go smoothly for them. Jonathan used his loss of a job as an excuse to break up, especially since he did not feel ready for marriage. However, two weeks after breaking up, he realised he had made a mistake so he asked for a reconciliation. Ruth said no.

“He asked for another chance but I could not give it to him. I felt offended by his behaviour because he was emotionally selfish. I limited communication and would hug everyone at church except him. I know this hurt him but I had told myself I did not want him and did not want to raise his hopes,” she says.

The break lasted until May last year but in between, they would send each other texts and chat whenever they met. He apologised to her but she preferred they remain friends. At some point, Jonathan was about to give up and move on when Ruth suddenly asked him if he would buy her flowers again.

“I am sure he did not understand why of all things, I was asking for flowers again but when he bought them, I told him they had atoned for all his sins. This time I liked them because they were fresh and beautiful. Later, we met and I told him the reason I had not given him another chance all this time,” she says.

When Jonathan got to know why Ruth had refused to reconcile, he was remorseful.

“I did not know she was hurt. We prayed about it and this time, I promised to be more open. A friend advised me to propose to her, saying we had known each other for a long time and were really meant to be husband and wife. After praying and really thinking about it, I started planning how to ask Ruth to marry me,” he recalls.

The proposal

Jonathan had always prayed that he would get married in 2023. In September, he planned with Ruth’s friends for a simple proposal. On the day, he bought flowers and invited her to the rooftop of a famous building in Kampala where he asked for her hand in marriage. Although he would have preferred a private proposal, he also wanted to show Ruth that he was getting out of his comfort zone.

“I knew he was about to propose because all the signs pointed to it. I had given him an idea of my dream proposal. The surprise was only about the date, which he kept secret,” she says.

By the time he proposed, he already had a date when they would go for the kukyaala at her parents’ home and later the kwanjula. But when Ruth discussed their intentions with her parents and the need to save money, they suggested having just one ceremony, the kwanjula.

“I gave him a call in the evening asking if he would pay the dowry my father had asked for. When he said he would afford it, we arranged the introduction and only invited 100 guests,” she says.

With financial support from friends and family, they were able to get the money they needed for their wedding. And on December 21, 2023, they tied the knot at Bunga SDA Central church in Kampala with Pr Benon Kiggundu presiding over the ceremony. With a total budget of Shs35m, they later hosted 350 guests to a reception at Kampala Central Church Hall.

Ruth’s best moments of the day was when she walked down the aisle to meet her husband. Jonathan was humbled by the fact that many people attended the church service, which is usually not the case.

The disappointments

Jonathan regrets having his wedding in December because there was a lot of traffic jam as they made their way to the church and reception venues.

“The service providers were hard to get since many had already been booked throughout the season. Booking for our honeymoon was also expensive since December is peak season,” he says.

The maid of honour did not wear her tiara and this frustrated Ruth, especially since there was no communication of how to get it. The couple also failed to keep time.

Ruth says, “We were one hour late for the church service because we went to Sheraton Gardens for photographs first. Then, the décor flowers were not as I wanted. However, I smiled and decided to enjoy my day which only comes once.”

Connecting better

After their honeymoon, the Kikangas went to visit their relatives in Kyenjojo District where Jonathan’s relatives ate a meal prepared by Ruth which they say helped them to bond and get to know more about her and each other.

Knowing that communication is an important aspect in a relationship, the couple say they do not spend a lot of time without calling or sending a message to know how the other is fairing. Keeping communication alive has also helped them bond more, keeping their marriage blissful.