What is the state of your union?

All relationships start off with a bang; you all know those happy hormones (endorphins) coursing through your system make your beloved more than just another human being. This phenomenon inspired the great writer William Shakespeare to remark that love is blind and lovers cannot see.

And it is just as well because if we all viewed our lovers with the after rather than before lenses the earth would be as desolate and as empty as the moon.   As we cross the middle line of the year and having heard the budget and listened to the State of The Nation Address, it is perhaps time to look at the state of our unions. We all start out with the best intentions until our needs and wants are suspended for the sake of our beloved.  Our utmost desire is to see the other half happy.

If it were possible some of us would have a running commentary on our lovers’ state of mind 24 hours a day. Time seems to fly by when you are together and no demand on their time or resources is too great. So if your relationship is in this state no matter how long you have known each other then you must be congratulated because you have indeed joined the middle class. 

However, in the natural progression of relationships this state of paradise ends when you have settled down, when some of us have walked down the aisle or moved in with beloved.

It always seems that everything regresses instead of progressing. Beloved’s needs become less important at a time when they should be prioritised. Conversations dry out beloved is always hurrying away from you instead of hurrying back to you. Any messages sent to the other half are not about you and your needs rather than about the other. Many people tend to make conclusions that they made a mistake and a lot of relationships do not survive at this stage.

   So those of you who are at this stage it must be hard if the economic scarcity is going on concurrently with love scarcity.

And a number of misunderstandings are matched with the rise of the price of petrol and instead of joining the middle class of those enjoying stable relationships. Even if it looks like you are sliding back into loneliness, take heart there is still hope. In every problem there is always a seed for growth. If you are tired of starting again with different people only to fail at this stage and start again, do not lose hope.

There are a few issues you need to sort in order to save your relationship. First, examine your motives for starting relationships. Are you looking to find things that you lack in other relationships?

If this is true, then you will always be searching since things such as happiness, validation and meaning cannot be found outside of yourself. No person, however good can impart these things. So, save yourself the time and look within yourself for these.

      Love and accept that you are enough. In that way you will be able to love and accept others with all their weaknesses without getting disappointed. In his book Ann Karenina, Leo Tolstoy says all happy homes are happy in the same way, whereas an unhappy home is unhappy in it’s own way. So, try to find that entry point into the unhappiness or disappointment in your relationship and deal with it.

In the field of human relationships, it seems that only a few will ascend to upper classes. Because unhappiness in relationships is no respecter of persons, kings are at the same level as their servants or even lower. Let us all keep at it until we all get it right on the middle income status in our unions.