Good Friday tales and why every Ugandan has two businesses

I  am not a movie freak. On those few good days, I will find myself searching up some winners at the Cannes Film Festival and watching a film or two. And I do land on gems. Such as a Dinner with Andre or move to the far east and watch some intrigue from the Legend of Zhen Huan from China. 

I suspect the West struggles with scripting scenes around power, plotting, intrigue, that soft machination, that politics that plays in the passive-aggressiveness kind. Chinese seem to be the masters of this scripting. The closest the West tried with such a plot was with Game of Thrones. But even then, most of it was overt. It is not the case with Empresses in the Palace. Enough of the advert. Beautiful things need no convincing. 

My romantic self also returned in March, I thus called up a friend and set up a movie date. I did not have any movie in mind, I had no idea what’s showing. All I knew is that come Tuesday (okay she told me) you can always have the cinema hall to yourself. Problem is when Tuesday arrived, I was caught up playing uncle duties somewhere in Kasangati. I arrived when she was already in the movie hall. Yes, and the movie was Dune. Frank Herbert’s book has been in my library for the last one year and I had never opened it. Here I was being told to join the same movie in the middle. I entered to atone for my scenes. But 10 minutes into this confusion, I decided life is too short to keep pretending. I sought her permission to leave. Long story short, I was blocked off the scene. Now you know why I have a thing against movies.

But thank the heavens, Jesus came and died for people such as Ortega, the kind that want to love but are constrained by factors beyond their abilities. But on Good Friday, another thought hit me. How is it that the entire Easter Holiday is always observed without fail in Uganda? There never comes a day when the nails go missing, or the timber is misallocated. Eureka! It is because there were two thieves on the cross. And the most loyal crew is the crew of thieves. Thus, on Good Friday, Ugandan thieves see something in themselves, the ability to be redeemed, to be remembered, and given a fresh lease to life. 

But this Easter also passed calmly. I was taken by work; I dodged all my uncle duties. The only thing I did was to drive around Kampala on the morning of Easter Sunday. That ka-city has us in a Stockholm lock. It is abusive yet I love this ka-city. I love the way it annoys me. The city is like that ka-Sure that has all the secrets of sweetness, but you just cannot launch her in public. It is the kind of ka-Sure of ‘if you know you know.’ Why does beauty hide itself in sketchy places? Mbu even the first sign of good pork is the dinginess scale. The dingier the place, the yummier the pork. Yes, even the best rolex. With the current state of the Najjera road, the rolex there must slap. 

In other news, what would 2024 be without Azawi’s song? Kwegamba tetulina music. These days we have more Tiktokers than music artistes. We have more bloggers than music artistes. Content has become content. What shall we do if one day we wake up nga Zawedde has gone into other things? What is the commonest thing Ugandan musicians do when they quit music? Guess it is food business. Kubanga Mesach has Papas. But what other business would Lil Pazo do? May be some good roasts. Spice Diana? She would make a good make-up artiste. Oba? Anyway, retirement is not an easy thing in this cow-ntry (in Ogon speak). Even the people NSSF brings, they just find a way to wing it, naye there is no proper path. The only way to prepare for retirement is to force yourself into one when you still have the energy, time, and the resilience to fall hard. 

Because, how in the world are you going into a new business at 60 years? Mbu someone has read the business for you (akusomedde). You that has never planted yams, what makes you think that you can super-change the Vanilla business with your pension? The way people nearing retirement get excited by business ideas. People, the businesses in Kampala are clear. If you are not a middleman, forget that business. If it does not involve a deal, forget that business. 

In Kampala, people have two businesses. There is the ‘motivational’ business, the good to show off business, the one they tell everyone about, the one that features in interviews. Sadly, this business never makes any money, it is for the mask (liquor store, boutique, people’s 8 to 5 jobs). Then there is the real business. This business is kept top secret. It is only known to a few people (those in the same line of business). Now this is the business that makes money. When you see someone who has made it in Kampala, ask them about the real business. Because how in the world does a person with an 8 to 5 job afford a mansion in Buziga? Mbu if you know, you know! 
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