What you need to know:
Do not look for a fight in any and every situation and you should not have the last word on every matter. Learn to let things slide. Focus on a peaceful existence.
You could not be separated when you were dating. After the first two years of your wedding, you were inseparable. But over the years, you have drifted apart you would think one is water and the other oil. You do not like being in each other’s company. You loathe each other. Where one is, the other does not want to be.
The intimate part of your marriage is long gone. There are seasons in marriage where such a state of affairs happens, but yours has gone on for so long that you wonder if you made the right choice to get married to this person.
Take heart, you can recover the emotional and physical connection and enjoy each other’s company again and this is how, but first things first. Would you care to know how you got here? Could these below be some of the reasons and could these be some of the ways you regain it?
1. Resolve arguments
I know some people who can quarrel or keep going on an argument for three days. They are angry for that long and never let issues go away. They keep records of other people’s wrongs. But I also know that people do not like being around such people so they avoid them.
Disagreements will always happen but good relationships have learned to overcome differences in opinion. If you are the argumentative type of partner, you may want to reduce that and rather use the same energy to make peace with your partner.
Learn to debate rather than argue. You should never look for a fight in any and every situation and you don’t have to have the last word on every matter. Learn to let things slide. Play the fool sometimes. Focus on a peaceful existence. It will save you headaches and heartaches and probably give you a longer life.
2. Throw out the rule book
Some couples are so banal that they miss having fun in their relationship. You do not have to conduct your relationship like a business meeting, a military parade, or a Captain Von Trapp household. Relationships are heart-to-heart matters and sometimes rules do not work.
How about you loosened up? Relax. Accept their advances. Crack jokes, and be funny. Touch or gift them unexpectedly. Tweak something about your look or dress.
Do something different like you did when he was wooing you. Be humorous and create memories that when your partner is away from you they will laugh when they think of you. These are little things that keep relationships going.
3. Share hobbies
Partners who have different hobbies may not have the opportunity to enjoy each other’s company. He goes to a mosque, you go to a church, he likes people to hang around him, and you don’t like people anywhere near you…such does not augur well for two people who want a good relationship.
Rather, the fact is that no two people can be the same and share all hobbies. But for the sake of the relationship, you can choose to engage in some even if you don’t like what he likes. For instance, many men enjoy sports. Once in a while, you could accompany him to watch a live English Premier League game. An hour and a half spent together on that game may solve a year and a half of relationship issues.
4. Do not overreact
We all have bad days and can overact some days but some people are naturally emotionally sensitive and anything said to them can trigger their insecurities. A partner to such a person may feel like they are walking on eggshells so they may choose to withdraw their company and conversation for fear of hurting their person or their words being used against them.
The antidote to this is that if you are the sensitive type of partner, learn not to take things personally. Not every innuendo is about you. You are not the center of the universe, darling.
5. Honest communication
Maybe you are too busy for each other you feel like strangers rather than lovers sharing a bed and house.
Or maybe one partner tries to communicate but gives up because the other partner is not invested in listening to them because they are distracted by work, ministry, phones, children, responsibilities, and television.
Couples must make time for each other and make each other the priority. It is important that in the busyness of life, space should be found by both to purposely communicate and spend time together.
6. Treat him like an equal
When one partner feels the other partner is domineering and or disrespectful, they may limit their presence around that partner.
How does this occur? When they are never heard or their point of view respected, then they are forced to withdraw emotionally and it is in relationships like these where you find that the couple has been married for a long time but their relationship is short on enjoyment.
One way to address this issue is to always listen to your partner and respect them the way you want to be respected. They may not be as intelligent as you are but listening to them assures them that they are valued in the relationship
7. Speak well to them
After years of relating with someone, you may become familiar with their weaknesses and you may want to remind them often. Rather, you can choose to ignore their weaknesses and celebrate their strengths. You can be the kind that lifts their spirits. You can make a deliberate effort to remind yourself of what made you fall in love with them in the first place.
You can be their encourager-in-chief, their confidence booster. Speak well to them. Call them by their preferred name or nickname that you gave them.
Bella and her husband Fred are Christians and applied this wisdom to their marriage and it worked. “Men’s primary need is to be respected while women’s primary need is to be loved.
We knew this before from our Bible but once we understood what respect meant for him and what love meant for me, and applied them, years of a bad marriage ended. We both began finding we loved each other’s company more than anyone else’s. It is not rocket science.”
For someone you married, it should never be hard science for you to make them your company with you because you know them to some degree and you can always tweak a few things to make that happen. Good luck.