Children are getting holidays: Take the stress out of parenting

A Tiktok video made rounds on social media, of three school girls in uniform, probably in their Senior Four or Senior Six, who recorded themselves warning married women that they were coming for their husbands once the holidays arrive.

In some Whatsapp groups where I belong, it got some married women talking, with some dismissing them and others daring them. Some men in the groups, of course, got excited (predictably). The girls could have been bluffing for the fun of it or they were not, but maybe do not quite appreciate that HIV/Aids still exists. I want to believe the former.

Holidays can be stressful moments for any parent, especially when children return from boarding school. You probably are used to an empty nest, but they are back now and the space is shared, again. How do you keep sane and allow them the holiday they deserve?    

Reconnect with them

For a moment after watching this video, I thought these girls probably do not have parents to guide them or if they do, they are uninvolved or if they are involved, they gave up and if they gave up, they do not know what their daughters are up to.  As teenagers try to find their feet in their growth process, parents need to get involved, wisely and creatively. They are asking questions inwardly and although you as a parent are not their first point of call, they need to know you are available to hear them out just in case. Engage them and be intentional about spending some quality time with them, investing in knowing them at a personal level. Remember, they are not just bodies; they have emotions and thoughts.  

Help them acquire a skill

 Vacation is a long time to waste doing nothing. Why not engage them in productive undertakings, where they will channel their youthful energy while acquiring a skill? Pay for a swimming class, music lessons, or boot camp or if you have a shop or job that allows you some freedom to have them present, tag them along when you go to work. In some cases, if you are able, find them a small gig that will pay them some money, so when they go to the next level of their academic life, at least they will take care of their upkeep from their savings for a while.    

Set boundaries for them

Children in the holiday can be a nuisance in the community if not regulated. They can loiter with no definite purpose in mind because they have a lot of time on their hands. If you have been around Kampala during holiday time, you will notice crowded streets and malls during this time.

To regulate their freedom is to establish boundaries. For instance, for those close or around 18 years of age, allow them a degree of freedom to go out with their friends on the condition that they have done some home chores, they are out for specific reasons and will be back by say 6 pm and they should let you know where they are at all times. Also lay down rules to keep your home tidy (they can be untidy, careless, and disorganised). But remember it is the Christmas holiday season, the merriest month of the year, and you do not want to stress them when they came home to rest and have some fun.       

Assign responsibilities

 Do not let the househelp do all the housework. Rather apportion some work for your children to do too. They will not always have someone working for them (at your expense), but they will always have some chore to do for themselves. Children work well with routines, so schedule them on a daily rota, to interchange in doing chores every day. Allow them a degree of space to make decisions concerning home, say determining the meals to eat.      

Stock enough food

Teens tend to have huge appetites because their bodies are growing rapidly.  They need lots of nutrients and energy to sustain them. You want them to eat a balanced diet and be satisfied at the same time. Because they often look to home for good food, one way to do this is to stock on the non-perishables early enough, so you can always supplement with the perishables as you like. 

Create a budget and stick to it

Holidays can cause your expenditure to shoot through the roof if you do not plan well. Times are hard and every penny should count. Teach your children cost-saving techniques on electrical appliances, utilities, food and laundry. We are community people, so some relatives find this time of the year convenient to visit. You may want to factor them into your budgeting or if you are not able, turn them down politely. Also, remember that your children are promoted to the next class and this means it will cost you more money, so it is in your interest and theirs to be frugal. 

Keep an eye on them

If you live in shared spaces such as flats, staff quarters, estates or rentals, a lot goes on behind the scenes in these places that might be injurious to your children such as rape, defilement, use of drugs, and alcohol because of peer pressure. Always caution and alert your children against possible dangers in the neighbourhood.

For instance, teach them to desist from visiting their opposite-sex friends unaccompanied or at awkward hours and reject anything that goes against the values you have always taught them at home. Also, get to know their friends and their parents; it is a safety net for both children and parents concerned.

Practice self-care

Do not forget you need a lot of self-care during this season because stress can be real if not managed well. Balancing work and family does not come easy. You do not want to burn out. Go out with friends, go to the gym and have your private time alone. Your children will be okay if they have a healthy parent.