Why you need to prepare children for boarding school

My experience of boarding primary school was harsh. As a nine-year old, together with my siblings, we were hurled off to school without preparation, 300 kilometres away from home.

 We learnt to blend in and avoid the spanking that was always administered to the unruly, on any body part, with as much effort as the administrator could muster.

 I found refuge in the matron, who liked me for helping her wash clothes for about 300 children. I enjoyed every bit of the washing because she gave me special food in her cubicle after the exercise.

I hated boarding school until my wife found one and convinced me it is not anything close to what my former school was. We agreed and off they went, last term. From their own accounts, they did not miss home that much.

Children return to school early next week. For those in boarding school, apart from making sure their school fees is paid, holiday package is done, and all the “grab” they need is bought, how else should you a parent prepare them, especially the young ones for a boarding school?

Medical attention

 Children in boarding school will probably not groom themselves that well; their nails are probably darker , they have patches of dark skin around the necks, they have ringworms, coughs that seem to not to respond to treatment and some of their teeth are broken. Just as a car needs a garage to fix its problems, a child needs some fixing at the doctor’s office.

Observe their mental state

 Is there stuff they have been telling you or not telling you that you want to raise with the school administration when you return them? Were they bullied by fellow students or teachers? Are they unhappy generally being in that school or do they want to a change and why? Talk with them gently, they will open up.

Also keep a keen eye on the boarding school syndrome - as it has been called - a psychological phenomenon associated with depression, long-term behavioural and emotional difficulties associated with boarding school survivors. 

Correct the negative behaviors

They probably picked up vices from their peers’ orbit at school such as gossip, petty theft, use of foul language, selfishness, untidiness, talking back at authority figures or rebelliousness. If these are not nipped in the bud, a child might find themselves in jail or out of school in future.

Advise them to stop such behaviour. If the child has picked up wrong and dangerous information, say about sex and they cannot stop chatting about it, first establish what they know on the subject and set out the correct facts in an age-appropriate way.     

Personal care and safety

 My children returned home for holidays with missing shoes, bags, clothes, uniforms and several things were run-down. We have spent time teaching them how to budget for their money and keep their valuables safe. We have also been keen on making sure they learn how to do age-appropriate tasks independent of us such as laying their beds neatly, brushing their shoes, folding and ironing their clothes, and balancing their time between study and play. 

Prepare them for homesickness

 Reality is that children, regardless of their age and temperament, will feel homesick when they are away from home for a long time. Some suggest it is a form of bereavement because “the child must learn to live without love.” They will miss home, parents, friends, pets and the comforts of being around family at least for the first few weeks they are back in school.

Talk to them about the beauty and opportunities of being in school and remind them that you are only a phone call or visit away. Encourage them to get involved in extracurricular activities as a way to occupy their minds and bodies.   

Managing relationships

They are in the same space with children from different homes with different beliefs and values. There will inevitably be conflict. Teach them to say “no” to undesirable situations, to apologise if they are in the wrong, to ask politely if they need something from someone and to appreciate if they are a beneficiary of someone’s kindness.

Anita Muhairwe Malinga, a leadership expert and executive director of Shine Leadership International, says: “More than teaching character, you have to demonstrate it. How do you treat that quarrelsome neighbour? That taxi conductor, who refuses to return your change…how do you handle pressure points? Children will take cues from you without you writing notes on the blackboard.”

Room for disappointments

 When they do not get the marks they wanted, when you do not show up for their visitation day, when they do not make it on the football team, when that friend loses interest in them and gets new friends, when they feel misunderstood, when they lose the vote to be food prefect…some will melt, others will throw tantrums and others will become aggressive.

Teach them frustration tolerance skills at home. They need to appreciate that getting angry is human nature as long as one learns to manage it. Teach them to be calm, identify their triggers and stop them or walk away.