Can I be your Valentine?

Lovestruck Headquarters,
P.O. Box 1402,
Romanceville.

Dear Celestina,
RE: APPLICATION FOR ROLE OF ‘MAIN SQUEEZE’
Greetings Celestina, my past dream, present obsession and future love, mother of my unborn offspring and co-creator of my dynasty.

It has come to my attention that there is a vacancy in your heart. I would like to assure you with all humility, boldness and confidence that your search has come to an end. All other candidates were but a poor substitute for what you need: a real man.

Do not be shocked, my Queen. I have kept tabs on all your love interests because I wanted to study my competition. Remember that slimy Joseph, who conned you of five million shillings and left you heartbroken? Then followed Methuselah (I know this is not his real name but it should have been), who strung you along for almost two years before waking up to realise he was not ready to settle down. And the worst of them all was Bugabo, who spent so much time at the gym building his muscles (it’s a pity his mind couldn’t be improved in the same manner) he barely had time for you.  

Celeste— if I can be so bold as to call you the name that describes you as a heavenly creature— forget these buggers. I am the real deal. I will never waste your time. I might make you cry, yes, but these will be tears of joy, not sorrow.

Celestina, I know you have been disillusioned by love. At this moment you might be wondering, “But what do you bring to the table?” And here’s my answer, “Baby girl, I’m making a whole new table,” a table where you will occupy the front seat forever. Forget about whatever meager offerings others may have brought to the metaphorical table— I am ready to give my whole self to you. 

I did not mean to go on and on, Celestina, or tire you with endless promises of love. All I ask is that you give me the chance to be your last and forever Valentine.

All my love,
Genza.