Drone team mistakenly grabs their own as Ssempa causes ffene shortage

It was raining iron sheets this past week. If you still haven’t received your mabati, then you are either a malnourished Karimojong or so you are bald that the generous chaps at OPM think you move around flaunting gleaming natural mabati.
With all the odd news going around, some two brothers found time to swap saliva in public. You know you hit the bottom of the moral cesspool when Doreen K lectures you on one. And that is what the Mayanja brothers came to.
However, there were other odd news. I normally tell the truth by accident but I sweat upon the Lent season that I’m not making this up.

Plainclothes security operatives in Entebbe mistakenly grabbed one of their own and drove off for several kilometres before realising their gaffe.
The vicious drone operatives had received ample description of their target when they swooped in on the prey. They should have noticed that unlike in the usual abductions, this one did not kick, huff and pass loud wind in the process.
“Man, they twisted my elbow awkwardly and I tried to give them my coded name but one of them had me in a near-chokehold,” James said as he massaged the sling that held his sprained at ease.

It was while “subdued inside the drone” that the operatives realised their gaffe. Apparently, James had taken off a hooded jumper he had been wearing just moments before the operatives he had been tipping on the movement of the target arrived.
“I only realised that my grey shirt fit the description of what the target was wearing and he also had blue jeans on,” James said.
The target had just turned a corner when the operatives grabbed James – who had been trailing him – and violently dragged him into the waiting drone.
“That’s occupational hazard, a friendly fire. I’m just glad we were in combat exchanging bullets,” he said.

Anyway, there was the occupational hazard but the savedees in Pr Ssempa’s church are wary of aphrodisiac hazards and have been wondering things.
Recently, the venerable Pr Ssempa took to Twitter to give out his Eureka moment. We won’t imagine things and just give it here blow by blow.
“Jack Fruit has been discovered to have V power love fuel elements,” Ssempa said, seemingly using the uppercase F for emphasis about how things were fuelled in his compartments.
“Better than Mulondo! .... Eating the roasted seeds makes your wife sing “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch [a pail of] water!”
Oh poor Tracey!

Anyway, it is not Tracey to worry about for now. Ffene suppliers in Nakasero market have been bewildered by the sudden consumerism of the golden fruit.
“There is a man who came to my stall the other day, he didn’t even wait for me to cut the ffene, he just dived into the fruit with his teeth like a hippo cutting into melon,” said Mama Naka.
Apparently, the ‘eater’ kept kneading his groin to confirm if the impact was settling down south faster than Jack and Jill take to tumble down the hill.
“Men are buying everything as soon as we stock them. We don’t know what’s going on,” Mama Naka added.
I do. Pr Ssempa, too. 
At least this man of Gad is not selling us some funny rice or pesticide like those others.

Disclaimer: This is a parody column