Satire: Must we really Harm our young tycoon?

Why must we Harm our tycoon to the extent of making him cry us a river? Ugandans really don’t appreciate. Here is a young man who revealed his wealth secrets in a book to help everyone get rich and we can’t see that.

The young tycoon’s book aside, I still feel so angry with Ugandans. The treatment of the young tycoon by rotund dotards in suits should be condemned by Nato. This is worse than Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.

This is a tycoon who single-handedly wiped Basajjabalaba off our face by just appearing out of the blue. We were so tired of hearing the name Basajja in almost everything to do with money.

Once there was this market that had turned into a chimney with daily fires and tears from vendors. I think it was called Owino. They garbage collectors tried to change the name because Owino had ties to a Kenyan or something like that.

I think these technocrats got evidence that Owino’s ghost was setting the fires because he had turned into a vampire who fed on tears. The more tears from vendors, the happier Owino’s ghost was in downtown.

So Owino became Balikuddembe with a Saint affixed to it, supposedly, to scare the dying nightlife out of the vampire. But that did not stop the fires.

Finally, the young tycoon happened to our city. He used reasons and reality to make a fireproof arcade and the ghost of Owino fled. Since then, we have had no fire in Owino or Balikuddembe-something.

Then he went further and constructed a futuristic stadium that has made Uganda dream of hosting the Africa Cup of Nations. Then his home. Ha! He raised perimeter fencing at the shores of a lake to protect himself and his pad from crocodiles and the stupid waters.

Word is that when the chaps at Nema saw the pad float in the water, they simply marvelled at the reasons and reality. They quickly told off those who were saying that Harm was harming the environment. What Nema needs to do next is to implore DTB and those judges to stop making Harm cry. The more he cries, the more water he needs to drink to replenish his tear glands. The man lives in the lake, for crying out loud, must we risk drying up Victoria when he is dehydrated?

It’s time we appreciated our tycoons. I remember seeing Brian White move around with a 120kg oxygen cylinder because we had made his life miserable.

Brian White was a tycoon who, in his heyday, had someone hold a mobile phone to his ears. He was too rich for such a burden as to hold a phone. But we brought him down and made him carry huge oxygen cylinders.

Then came Sipapa. He suddenly looked like he had inherited road traffic laws and passed it on to the rest of us. We brought him down.

We must learn our lessons and protect Harm. As his only selfless friend, I’m giving him pro bono advice: He should stop paying lawyers and instead buy that bank and then close it down.

I mean, if toilet papers become annoying, just buy, soak them in the bowl and flush. That is called reasons and reality.