Support the US to repeal anti-gay law fast

Dear President Biden, 
During the last US presidential election campaign, President Donald Trump repeatedly called you ‘Sleepy Joe’. As someone who hated the Real Donald with a passion, I used to take serious offence on your behalf and on behalf of the United States of America. 

Several times, I responded to his tweets – which was no better than a diver believing he can pollute the sea with a dozen farts. The Real Donald never responded to any of my tweets. Bad man.

But I have come to reconcile with the Real Donald. How else would you appoint someone whose hobby is blinking as your Secretary?

Now the Blinken guy, all he does is blink. The latest is his threats to withdraw aid to Uganda because of political bait the government has thrown.
Imagine the US of A had ignored Uganda and everyone in the West kept quiet as if nothing had happened, would Museveni sleep at night? Just one week of global silence and the Ugandan government would have…

Anyway, the price of having a blinking man is chaos. Now you’ve made the son of Kaguta feel so big that he can draw the attention of the mighty US of A at the slightest of his signature.

When I was young, I learnt that the kite does not take ducklings because the first time it did so, the mother duck did not say a word. The kite felt so guilty and worried for what would befall her entire generation. It brought the duckling back and apologised.
But when it took chicks, the hen made so much noise, attempted to fight and cursed everything that flew about. This reassured the kite that its sin of mauling chicks was forgiven.

These are stories told to us Africans by the fireplace in the evenings not by blinking men but men wrinkled with wisdom.
Now after raining threats and whatnot yet that law will be quashed by the courts or by Kaguta’s successor whose aide called Mwenda or something is leading the legal battle, what next?

President Biden, this would be the easiest thing to settle. As you can see, the police have allowed those who support the anti-gay law to take to the streets and tell you off.
I’m also made to understand that some Ugandans are being mobilised to refuse to blink even once for a whole day just so that they do not associate with Secretary Blinken.

Now, President Biden, if you really must fight, stop using a hammer to crush a mosquito. Just get Besigye and Bobi Wine to stage a protest against your own blinking into the sovereign affairs of Uganda.

By the time the two leave their homes, the military would have banned all protests in favour of the gay law thing. And just to be sure, the government will get Mwenda’s petition heard at a blink. The judgment will be swift.

President Biden, the son of Kaguta is a guerrilla legend who used to sit in the bush for days without blinking as he waited in ambush. Word is that his eyes once protested his not blinking for too long, shutting the eyelids dramatically. His soldiers said he had collapsed but it was just an anti-blinking gone wrong.

How do you throw things like aid cuts and sanction threats at such a battle-hardened general and think you will break him down?
Anyway, I’m not charging you for this. Since you believe that you have control over our rights, we await with bated blink for the day you speak against the taxing of pampers. Babies have rights, too.

Also, Pallaso was captured on camera skinning Alien and Blinken has not blinked over that matter. Must Pallaso first kill the poor thing before you say something? There was the Kasese Massacre, did Blinken blink or wasn’t there human rights involved?
Joe, when you keep dangling your hammer at everything, you risk making a worm think it is a crocodile.

This is a parody column