No pineapples

This little tot that I call son is allergic to pineapples. Not in one of those serious ways that can prove to be fatal or anything. He just rubs his eyes and becomes a bit irritated after eating some of that delicious fruit.

Now his mother outlawed buying anything with a slight semblance to a pineapple and bringing it to the house. Me on the other hand, I am not allergic to pineapples. Matter of fact I eat them by the kilos. I should add that I only love pineapples the appropriate amount. Do not think I am some weirdo that does nothing all day but sits around eating pineapples. Far be from it. I am a very productive individual that delivers on key deliverables at my work place. Now that we have that little disclaimer out of the way lets proceed.

The conflict for me is this, why do I have to give up my love for pineapples over this little jama that I house? And when God was dishing out sons why did he give me the one that cannot eat pineapples? Why God why? Such unfairness is on another level. I did get over being mad at him for this because you cannot get anywhere being mad at God.

So one evening after work I passed by the market to pick some things up. There were these nice looking pineapples on display that I can swear were calling out to me. I did what any normal man would do, I bought one of those big guys. When I got home I wondered how I was going to smuggle the pineapple into the house. You see women never miss anything. They are too observant for that.

I just walked in sheepishly while hiding the pineapple behind my back. She saw it and asked me why I brought a pineapple home when the toddler is allergic to them. “Can’t we eat the pineapple at like midnight when he is asleep?” I politely asked her. She told me not to include her in my cant-do-without-pineapple category. So I carried my pineapple to the kitchen laden with guilt. Honestly I did feel quite ostracised. Like I had been caught with some sort of contraband. The rest of the evening I went about my business quietly.

I stayed up late until all the pineapple haters had gone to bed. Then I dashed to the kitchen and peeled my pineapple before starting a feast of enormous proportions. That is how I made that specific pineapple meet its maker a few minutes after midnight.