Do not wait for sengas and kojjas to teach your child sex education

Joy and her husband, Greg, picked this Joyce from the street. They brought her into their home. Robert, a gateman in the neighbourhood, started noticing Joyce with evil intentions. Soon they were making out. Joy and Greg reported Robert to police and he was jailed for a while. 
Good sexual and reproductive health, according to an article published by UNFPA, is “a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being in all matters relating to the reproductive system. It implies that people can have a satisfying and safe sex life, the capability to reproduce, and the freedom to decide if, when, and how often to do so. 

 For this to happen, adolescents (10-19 years of age) must have access to information about safe reproduction and be empowered to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.   
There seems to be enough information regarding this matter. Unfortunately, access to it is either limited or overshadowed by cultural beliefs and practices, which in most cases, are engendered by parents and communities. 
Uganda is among the most sexually active countries in Africa, according to a survey conducted by Durex, with a birth rate of 34 percent. Couple that with sexual predators, who are ready to pounce on unsuspecting boys and girls alike. That aside, our children themselves are willing to indulge. 

Sex education
 Depending on their age, talk to your children about sex, by giving them age-appropriate information. We can no longer wait for sengas (paternal aunts) and kojjas (uncles) to do the job for us. It may be a difficult subject to broach, considering that in most of our cultures, parents hardly talk about it, which is why someone else, an uncle or aunt did the job. 
Teach them that no one should touch their bodies inappropriately; be it a teacher, friend, or adult male or female by way of hugging, fondling, intercourse, or masturbation. Teach them that their bodied are sacrosanct.  

Good parent-child communication
 A parent should keep in communication with their child and be a safe and confidential space for a child to exchange ideas and opinions, get emotional support, ask candid questions, explore different points of view and share personal experiences.  This helps a child open up to the parent, in case they have issues they need counsel and direction about. 
According to Huebner AJ and Howell LW in an article, Examining the relationship between adolescent sexual risk-taking and perceptions of monitoring, communication, and parenting styles, a journal of Adolescent Health, well-monitored adolescents report less sexual activity, fewer sexual partners and increased condom use compared to poorly-monitored adolescents. 

Faith and actions
 Children from highly committed religious homes will more likely delay sexual activity because they are sanctioned and punished, which serves as a deterrent. Aside from religion, alway remember that the best teacher is not your words but actions. You cannot say one thing to your child and do another.  Be exemplary. No amount of money or education can replace you, a parent, as a model to your child.  

Work with law enforcement
 As with Joy and Greg in our story, involve law enforcement, if your child is in immediate danger, do not accept cheap settlements, where your child’s sexuality has been violated. Many times, we have seen or read of parents who have settled for little money, cows or goats from predators of their children and shielded them from the full force of the law. 

Group parenting
 This is where parents come together to offer parenting solutions to their needs as well as keep each other and their children in check. At Kyanja Neighborhood Watch, that is what they exactly do. Their leader, Duncan Klein Kirunga, says, “In this group, we all know each other, our children, and our values. We keep an eye on each other’s children and ourselves. If there is a deviation in the behaviour of one child and the parent is overwhelmed, we all come in to reinforce. This has saved our kids from sexual perversions and other vices.”

Emotional support
Adolescents who abort or become pregnant or contract sexually transmitted infections, or are raped, may become depressed or suicidal, leading to several physical and mental health challenges. Parents need to support their children emotionally, by being there for them and helping them access obstetric and antenatal healthcare, through adolescent-friendly health services, in a way that does not make them feel ashamed or embarrassed. 

Counsel and be keen on care-takers
If your child has gone off the rails and cannot listen to you, you may want to involve a third party or trusted counsellor. Counseling may help a child regain their self-esteem and focus. Also, carefully choose their home caregivers and be observant of any warning signs. Who are the people in your home? Househelps, shamba boys, drivers, bodyguards…keep a keen eye on them because they can be influence the perceptions and attitudes of your children. They should not indulge in watching pornography or engaging in conversations of a sexual nature or sex itself. Watch out for physical and behavioural signs, which include bruises, pain or bleeding in the private parts, difficulty in walking or sitting and depression.    

Pray for them
After you have done all the talking and guiding of your adolescent child, pray for them. Because of the many physical and behavioural changes occurring within an individual, the adolescence stage is characterised by an increasing level of independence from adults and a growing sense of self-identity. 
This can be a very frustrating stage for parents. Pray for them to have good friends, good schools, safe activities, responsible teachers, neighbours, wisdom to surmount challenges and whatever else they associate with. Pray for their protection from evil and harmful substances. If the situation is more than you can handle, seek specialised attention.