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Why the boy-child needs urgent attention
Boys start to look to their fathers to help them make sense of the world around them and model what healthy masculinity is as they grow
What you need to know:
- They are more challenging to raise, especially from six to 14 years. They are more daring, aggressive and more likely to experiment with breaking established rules because of neurological wiring and high testosterone.
“If I had to choose between taking care of my daughters and sons, I would choose my daughters because somehow, the boys can survive on their own,”says Nanziri, a mother of two boys and two girls. The girl-child has been the centre of focus for more than 20 years now, after centuries of injustices and discrimination at the hands of male hegemony and patriarchy. The Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action, an aggressive movement, has seen women empowered and their dignity restored.
Whether this effort to promote the girl-child has marginalised the boy-child is discussion for another day, but what is apparent, is that the boy-child has been neglected and needs attention, again.
Reports show that more girls than boys are likely to be in secondary school and girls are more likely to perform better academically than boys…while more boys than girls will most likely to be engaged in substance abuse at an early age, living on city streets (accounting for about 80 percent of the cases) eking a living by grabbing other people’s stuff.
Some organisations come in to help the boy-child, for instance, Rotary District 9213 under Governor Edward Kakembo Nsubuga. He has decided that this Rotary year 2023/2024 will focus on lifting the boy-child through the Boy-Child Uplifting Programme (BCUP). This programme was launched on Saturday July 1, 2023 at the Old Kampala Secondary School field. The government, through its different ministries, is working on something. That said, the onus remains on parents to do something about their sons and here is how:
Presence of a father is key
Boys can be more challenging to raise, especially after six to 14. They are more daring,aggressive and more likely experiment with breaking established rules because of their neurological wiring and high testosterone (responsible for creative energy) levels. No wonder, Plato, a Greek philosopher, once said, “Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.”
Boys start to look to their fathers to help them make sense of the world around them and model what healthy masculinity is as they grow. This process takes time and the presence of a father in the home- two critical necessities, which are currently endangered by family-hostile work environments.
According to research, a father’s absence leads to increased rates of depression, decreased life expectancy, decreased average incomes, decreased job security, decreased levels of health, poor academic performance, and increased substance abuse among boys. This centrality of the father’s role should never be abdicated, substituted, or delegated, unless under extraordinary circumstances such as single motherhood. In any case, she can solicit the support of mature male relatives and mentors to play the role of a father figure to her son(s).
Encourage your son’s dreams
“Bennie, if you can read, honey, you can learn just about anything you want to know,” Sonya Carson always spoke encouragement to her son, Ben Carson, a black American paediatric neurosurgeon and author.
Boys need correction about their weaknesses and affirmation about their strengths and no one does this well than a parent. Be their number one fan. Do not disparage them for every fault. As long as they know they can fail and with your encouragement, pick themselves up, they will gain confidence to achieve big things in life.
Provide for your sons
One of the cardinal roles of a parent is to provide the material necessities of life for their children. It is tragic that some parents neglect their children when it comes to this duty. And with this DNA testing craze going around currently, some children are about or have already been “disowned” but more accurately, “de-parented.” Another form of provision is emotional care. For instance, a parent who puts their under three-year-old boy into institutionalised daycare, might not know that it has side effects. Steve Biddulph writes in his book, Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different—and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced-Men, 2nd Ed. “…a boy should stay home with one of his parents or a close relative, until about age three.
Many studies have shown that boys are more prone than girls to separation anxiety and to become emotionally shut down as a result of being abandoned. Neglected sons might later on in life present with low self-esteem, high-risk behaviour such as substance abuse, and delayed brain development. You do not want that to happen to your sons.
Protect your sons
These days, anything goes. We are low on morals and virtues. “As long as it feels right, it is my right” seems to be the mantra. Woke culture, homosexuality, fornication, drugs, alcohol, and gangs…seem to be alluring attractions to our sons. As parents, we must protect boys from these negative influences. How? Censuring what we allow to be watched on television in our homes, the kind of friends and neighbours our sons associate with, listen to their concerns.
Skill the boy-child
Anita Muhairwe Malinga, a career coach and mentor at Shine Leadership International and mother to two young sons says: “There are certain peculiar advantages that boys have over girls, for instance, boys are better in practical and technical subjects science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) than girls, generally. Encourage boys to erol for hands-on skills such as construction and carpentry.”
Bless your sons
Throughout scripture, we see fathers blessing their sons: God blessed and affirmed His Son, Jesus, Isaac blessed his sons Jacob and Esau and Jacob blessed his 12 sons. A father’s blessing in the Bible carried with it divine favour, prophetic destiny and inheritance rights. As a father, your blessing is the greatest gift you can ever give your children: “The blessings of your parents are mighty ...Genesis 49:26).
