LIVE: How POA stole police shoes during nomination fracas

The following happens on Tuesday, November 3, 2020, from 7:20am to 11:57am. Events happen in real time
 
7:20am: I arrive at FDC offices in Najjanakumbi to find presidential hopeful Patrick Oboi Amuriat, aka POA, and a couple of FDC fellows besieging the party headquarters. They look mean and are not in the mood to say even a word to anyone. A few of the party top dogs are seen pacing about. Nobody is allowed in. Commanding them is POA. He is constantly on phones or walkie-talkie. I think he’s taking instructions from Besigye.

7:25am: A journalist whispers to me that POA and his gang had been camped at the FDC headquarters all night. “They kept vigil here,” she says.
7:36am: A few security men passing around for their day’s routine hurl insults at POA and his heavily armed FDC chaps. 

7:39am: A journalist attempts to take pictures of the FDC leaders barricading the party headquarters. He is given a stern warning. One of the zealous party members attempts to slap the journalist. He ducks and gets away.
7:44am: Security officers arrive and are told to go away.
7:57am: More police arrive at the scene. They are the real ones now. Suave and suited. A few are donning light blue tees emblazoned with a villager’s image. 

8am: POA orders his gang into combat position and strolls with an air of authority to speak to the suited police officers, the pistol on his hips menacingly daring them to ‘leta fujo tuwone’ (mess around and you’ll see).
8:03am: Police commander approaches POA to explain himself. He is told to go and follow the designated route. “This is not your route, you know?” I overhear POA tell the police officer who has three stars on his lapel.

8:12am: Police commander moves to speak to some journalists and things begin to get tense. I begin to scent pepper and the FDC gang are obviously just waiting for the slightest hesitation from the police officers before they start shooting and throwing teargas canisters.
8:20am: Police commander looks frustrated. He’s on the verge of losing his cool. He mutters something under his breath. I get closer. He says his nomination documents are inside his office but that POA and his FDC gang have besieged the place and won’t let him in.

8:30am: POA walks back to us menacingly as before. A crowd of security personnel have gathered and are waving their finger in some funny way. I don’t know what it is but the finger signs look like the same one on the light blue tees worn by the suited police officers.
8:47am: POA orders the police officers to head straight to Kyambogo or be helped so. “If you compel us to help you to Kyambogo, you’ll pay for the fuel and time wasted with your humiliation,” POA warns, his brows furrowing and his eyebrows thickening like Mukasa Mbidde’s that competes with General Koreta’s for thickness.

8:53am: The Police commander stands his ground. He’s not here to be intimidated by POA and his FDC gang. “I must get my documents from the office. How do you expect me to go for nomination without the documents?” he appeals to POA.
9:13am: POA loses patience with these suited officers. His FDC gang swing into action. A journalist is kicked here and teargas thrown. In no time, I see some of the suited officers who came with their commander being tossed onto pickup trucks as if they were sacks of popcorn.
9:17am: “You’ve no business here!” shouts POA. “Go to Kyambogo now!”

9:25am: POA grabs the police commander and flips him upside down. He pulls off his shoes and smells them for ‘carbonmugere’, the chemical compound that ferments from sweaty feet. It seems to smell nice. POA nods his head and beckons one of his FDC gangs to take the black pair of shoes.

11:13am: We arrive in Kyambogo to find the Police commander refusing to wear the shoes POA is giving him. He says he has walked barefooted all his life in Teso grazing cattle so “this is nothing.” He even refuses to adjust his jacket that is slanted and sagging like a penguin rejected during a mating season.
11:57am: I’m back in the newsroom filing this parody.