Satire: 7 things you didn’t know about cartoonist Spire

I have decided to go through the pain of dissecting the person of Spire for the good of folks who keep fighting with themselves over his personality.

1. Permanent brain damage
You all know the signs. Just go to his social media or look at his cartoons. Only a mad person keeps drawing our Dear Leader and his son like that.

Like a mad man fixated with flies, Spire is fixated with the First Family. His neighbours say once he abandoned his house in the middle of the night screaming MK’s name.

“He kept saying ‘MK, drip bottle; MK, drip bottle’ as he ran around the house,” the neighbour said on condition of anonymity.

Now, there is only one place elites with mental problems hide their issues: PhD. Spire goes around as a Permanent Brain Damage (PhD)holder. And because of this PhD disorder, he goes around attacking everyone on X like he invented anger.

2. He draws
He moves around with a pencil for a walking stick. A sign of poverty. Rich people move with sticks to drive cows (enkooni).

You have seen the chaps from that side of the ‘cowntry’ and how they show off every Christmas by taking pictures of themselves with enkooni. Some even upgraded to AK47.

Nobody goes around walking with pencils at the back of their ears except for plumbers who need it for marking where to cut pipes.
 
3. He hates progress
He is a serial saboteur of socio-economic progress. He looks at roads and only thinks of potholes.

Many times, he draws things up and then shares the photos of his drawings, claiming they are potholes.

If there are potholes, let Spire show us just one car that has complained. As far as we are concerned, his own car doesn’t complain. Spire should drive or dive.

Now the el nino is here, wait to see Spire create illusions of floodings in Kampala. He is a total hater.
 
4. Tribalist
The reason Spire’s eyes are constantly wide open is because he is permanently searching for people who are not of his tribe.

The other day he was walking aimlessly on a railway line in Kumi when a man spotted a speeding train and told Spire: ‘Jobana, orwa!’ The next thing Spire had his lawyer send a 300,000-page notice of intention to sue. Then another day, he was on a bus that made a stopover at Namawojolo.

A chicken vendor addressed Spire as ‘Mukwasi’ and the tribalist in him charged through the window in a rage, threatening the Gishu. The scared Mukwasi guy even jumped in front of a speeding trailer to flee from Spire.
 
5. He counts his hair
Museveni is bald. Spire dreads the thought of going bald. Every morning, he counts his hair to make sure he hasn’t lost a strand at night. Sometimes after combing, he uses glue to stick hair that breaks back to his head. According to his close family member, Spire has 3,892,000 hairs on his head. A narcissistic bloke!
 
6. Congenial liar
The only times Spires tells the truth is by accident. And the last time that happened, it didn’t even happen.

He writes everything in a way everyone understands. He claims it is sarcasm or something like that. Which means he makes a fool of everyone all the times. That’s what liars do.

7. Museveni hater
Spire’s first two girlfriends have intimated to us that he used to wear underwear with smiley heads of Amin and Obote.

They said a young Spire also grafted Swine on his bandana. Naturally, that meant he hated Museveni with a passion.

He only says bad things about Museveni. Even where there is something good to say, he makes the good bad.