Uganda gets Shs20 trillion loan to build Afcon stadiums

The year is 2026. Mr Magogo, the Fufa president and Sports minister, addresses legislators on the progress of the construction of two new stadiums for hosting the 2027 Africa Cup of Nations (Afcon).

Kenya, Uganda and Tanzania jointly won the bid to host the tournament and have been working day and night to ensure there are enough facilities that meet the Caf standards for the biannual tournament.

“Our Chinese friends have again demonstrated their great solidarity by giving us Shs19.8 trillion for the stadiums,” Minister Magogo tells Parliament.

“The government has offered the rest… I mean, from the total Shs20 trillion, subtract the Chinese generosity loan of Shs19.8 trillion and the balance is what the sports budget has topped up.”

The minister assures the nation that “this project won’t delay like Teriet High Altitude Training Centre” and announces that Pearl Sporto, a company that has been working with Fufa, will do the construction works.

“We’re behind schedule,” he says.
MP Ssemujju queries the background of Pearl Sporto and wonders if it was another Vinci Coffee-like Italian job where more money goes in than comes out.
“We’re still waiting for Lubowa Hospital, how can we be sure that this Italian company…” Ssemujju trails off as Magogo breaks in to explain that Pearl Sporto was a local company.

“In fact, Satellite Plus Systems has been producing games for years here and we are confident it will do the perfect job in both the stadiums construction and production of the football matches,” Magogo says.
“So what is this Satellite system and what is Pearl Sporto? Who owns these companies?” MP Mpuuga asks.

“For years, you’ve known that Ham was the one constructing Nakivubo, is it finished?” Magogo fires back. “We need this loan approved like yesterday so that we complete the facilities in time. Knowing who owns what won’t make the facilities sprout like maize seeds soaked in a water bucket.”

“But we’ve needed decades to construct small facilities like Teriet, how can we complete two stadiums in under a year?” wonders MP Okot Ogong.

Speaker Among steps in. She tells the House time is of essence.
“We have matching tracksuits ready and we’re going to Berlin to benchmark on stadium construction,” she says. 

“All you’ve to do is to pass this loan chap-chap and we attend to other pressing matters. Hasn’t it been long since we last had an anti-gay Bill?”

MP Ssenyonyi points out that national matters should not be reduced to “lovey-dovey matching tracksuits affair”.

Ms Among takes offence. She orders the Clerk to strike Ssenyonyi’s comments off the records and asks for an apology. Ssemujju tells Ssenyonyi not to apologise and the two are dismissed from the plenary.
Soon after, 62 MPs are listed to jump on the sports benchmarking trips in Europe. The House is told that about Shs13 trillion of the stadium budget will fund the MPs’ trips in Europe.

It is at this point that MP Zaake tells the House that he had received information that the loan had long been secured.

Part of the money, he says, was used in funding the 2026 presidential election.
“Seems we’re trying to build stadiums with words and that means only newspapers will have tangible records of these facilities,” Zaake says.

Disclaimer: This is a parody column