I can't sustain a relationship
The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I am 23 years old but I’ve never been in a serious relationship. Every time I find someone I love, I am not loved back or my love is taken for granted. The weird bit is that when I am simply flirting around, the person falls in love with me but I fail to love the person back. Please I need your help because I have dated a bunch of girls but the problem remains the same. When I tried to talk one of exes as to why she dumped me, she said that I am good in everything but the problem is with her. Hope I am helped because I want to be in a serious relationship.
~ SK
your solutions
Morris Moo Omen: Relax brother, relationship is a matter of time. Take your time; try to date for some good time before having sex so that she first falls deeply in love with you. This will help her cope up with your weaknesses because she will be much involved with you. Also try to check on your character in and out as well as your sex and correct any that needs to. I hope this will help you. Good luck.
Ben Kyazanga: I think you are the Mr “nice guy” and girls tend to find such guys boring. They also abuse their nicesness to be thirst or desperation. When you find a girl, be good but not overly nice. Be yourself and do not behave like your life would end without them. Learn to balance. You are still young though, things will get better.
Fred Otile: I must say, you did well to talk to your ex about yourself but she didn’t tell you everything. I believe the biggest problem is you have is flirting. No one wants to see their partner flirting every with everyone. You do not present yourself like a real man and no woman will take you seriously. They will always take you for be a joker. Change your ways my brother.
Josh Imran: Follow your heart and when you get a girl take some good time without sex it will create trust and faith in your relationship.
Suzy Apeco: There must be a reason as to why they let you down. Check yourself well.
Mkago Holdings: You need to know, what you want, the purpose of your relationship, and for what cost. Girls want a person who is objective, specific, and talks future. There are many good people there waiting, check yourself and pray. You will get a good person.
Klean Counts: Go to a counseling school. Also, try talking to all your ex’s to know your weaknesses. This will enable you change.
Ivan Mubangizi: I think you have rushed into relationships. Relationships are not easy, take your time and know what you are getting yourself into.
Kabatih Wa Njau: You will kiss many frogs before you find your queen. So, patience brother as this is a normal occurence.
Julius Mugoya : The fact is that you are not ready for a serious relationship. First sit back, relax before getting into any other relationship otherwise you could get yourself in trouble.
Ronnie A Araali: You are still young. Take your time otherwise; some girls will take you for granted.
Keffa Ogom: You are just not ready to be a responsible husband with well-defined future goals. Stop being a womaniser.
Làbâñ Ñdyàmûhâkyï: Could you be undergoing fixation? You started relationships way too young. 23 years? Sit down and wait for your turn. You are still a very young man.
Annet Elizabeth: Keep trying, that is what love is all about.
Morgan Vybes: Good and nice boys are not taken serious. Be a bad boy.
Shuley Sharp: A man is supposed to love his woman. Find a woman you love, and stick to her. A woman is not supposed to love back, but rather submit. The moment she starts to love a man, then that is the end of the relationship.
Atim Prossy Olula: Maybe you show them that you are desperate. Love takes time.
Jeninah Turyamuhweza: How do you love? Is the question. I think in this case love is a tricky word. Love is always there, just give it time and pray to God about it.
Malela Abel: Take your time, someone is out there who will love you back. Remember there should be give and take.
Mulangwa Joseph: Sorry for you brother, but in life love comes over time. My advice for you is that you make your money, girls will come to you there and then.
Nimu Sherinah: Dear, you are not that old to be in a relationship. Lose the stress you have on your mind, over being a failure in love and concentrate on your goals of getting a true girlfriend. My brother everything is possible - believe to achieve. Wish you luck.
Savey Jokis: Everythng without God is never a success. Get saved and be patient, praying to God. Fortunately, this is the best and only way.
Okot Solomon: At 23, you do not need a serious relationship, thank you.
Counsellor says: Prossy Nantongo, Counselling Psychologist
Dear SK, sorry about that, it’s really uneasy. It can be quite embarrassing when you realize that such is actually going on in your life. I am however not so sure of how old the people you have been trying to date are. But still, 23 might not the right time to think about marriage though on the other hand, it can be the right time to search for the right person with whom you can spend the rest of your life. At this age, you are only in position to learn and understand the person better than at old age when you have no time to study one’s personality. My dear SK, do not mistake this for a spell or curse, it’s only that most women see young men like you as jokers who can’t add value to their lives. So, the problem might be with them or the way you present yourself and what you when you are with them. The other reason might be about your financial status. I will in that way advice you to give it time as you slowly look for the person who will dearly love you. You are still young; first make a firm foundation for yourself before you involve third parties in your life. And again, don’t forget to involve God in your search for guidance.
Compiled by Christine Katende
Next week’s problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I am 22 years and have no child. I want to marry a girl who is 25 years old woman with two children. The problem is that my mother and sisters are opposing our relationship. They say that she is too old but me I do not find it a big deal. I love her so much but don’t know how to go about this. Please what should i do?
-Ochieng
