Terrible twos: A stage that will test your patience

My cute as a button daughter is making two years next month. You are deep asleep in the dead of the night and she turns in her bed and you attempt to straighten her head so she does not hit it against her wooden bed, she starts to pout and before you know it, is a full blown tantrum that will take you another three hours to calm down.

In the meantime, you are worried what the neighbours are thinking about you because you are interrupting their sleep. By morning, the girl is sweetly catching up on her sleep while you saunter out of the house, tired like as if you were carrying bricks the whole night. Nobody cares. You must go to work.

If you have studied a bit of child psychology or raised children, you will know that this behaviour is  a normal child development stage known as the terrible twos.  

What do the terrible twos mean? It is a stage where a child is increasingly developing their own independent desires separate from those of their parents. Children at this stage are rapidly growing; mentally, socially, and physically and parents find it hard to deal with them.

It usually occurs anywhere between 18 and 30 months of age. Boys and girls usually exhibit similar tendencies but girls will probably become less violent than boys as they approach three years.    

Temper tantrums, mood swings, fighting with siblings and other children, biting or kicking others when angry, crying unnecessarily, throwing objects, screaming, defiant behaviour, and increased assertiveness.

Characteristics

It is a stage of growth where your child is learning new skills such as talking and having an independent mind. But because they are verbally, emotionally and physically limited, they often get frustrated and angry when they want something and they cannot say it, hence the reason for the outbursts and physical violence.

For instance, they may want to hold food themselves, but they cannot handle the plate by themselves, so they will pour the food and get frustrated. Or they will want to climb up the sofas but may not be able to because they are short so they will get angry. Some insist on dressing themselves yet they are unable to. How does a parent deal with the terrible twos?

Patience

Sometimes our daughter cries through half the night or day depending on her mood and we have to stay awake or carry her around and find distractions for her until she sleeps. Other times, we try to negotiate with her by finding out what she likes or dislikes and not forcing our will on her. Most of their tantrums do not last for more than five minutes. You can wait it out.   

Identify their triggers

Could it be hunger? Lack of sleep? Or fatigue? Do they want to take a bath? Are they sick? Find out what is making them uncomfortable. If you plan to go out with the baby, carry enough food, so they can eat and not be cranky. Provide a restful environment for them to sleep when they are tired. 

Ignore them

 They are not hungry, sick or tired but are acting up, anyway. What do you do? As painful as it sounds, you may want to ignore them. If you know you have done everything for a child and they continue throwing tantrums, sit and watch their drama . Ignoring them will send a message to them that that is unacceptable and should stop.

Keep routines consistent

This age group works well in structured routines. Train them to have meals, bedtime, playtime, screen time at particular hours. Consistency is a great way to deal with the drama of the terrible twos. 

Take control of yourself

 You cannot be losing your head, yelling and kicking the child. Some studies have shown that verbal and physical abuse have similar effects on a child. Besides, you are giving them negative energy and they will feed off it and probably become worse. Try being calm, they will calm down too.  

Avoid feeding their fancies

 If they want something and you judge it is not right for them, stand your ground and do not let them have their way always. Even if they act up in public, maintain your stand and let them know you will treat them the same way at home as in public.

Think like them

They are writing all over your nice sofa set with a red marker and you want to blow up and pluck them away from the scene immediately. But this will cause a scene. How about you remember they are children and provide them a sheet of paper to write on?

Redirect their attention

When they start to act up, sing them their favourite song, take them on a short walk, point them to an object far away, play them their favourite video, whatever gets their attention from themselves to something else works.

Plan your schedules around their naptime, keep things you know they will fight for out of the way, be creative and engage them in activities that will make them too tired to throw tantrums.

Enforce desired behaviour by lavishing praises. Do not beat the child or violently address them. If a child continues to be naughty,  deprive them of certain privileges.